


Beginnings

by RoRoWeasley



Series: Beginnings [1]
Category: Primeval
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Family Drama, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Jess's story before the ARC, Origin Story, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Pre-Canon, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-05-10 00:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14726717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoRoWeasley/pseuds/RoRoWeasley
Summary: Through her advanced abilities and bubbly personality, Jess quickly gained acceptance as a member of the ARC team. But what lies beneath that cheerful and energetic outer coat is a troubled past. Just exactly how did she end up at the ARC? Jess finally reveals the details following some unexpected news. Jess/Becker frame and many OCs.





	1. Bad News

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Primeval or any of the canon/series characters featured. I mean if any of us fans owned it, we would have had our Series 6 by now, right? ;) I only own this particular story and my tiny collection of OCs.

** BEGINNINGS  
** **A Primeval fanfic by Ro-RoWeasley**

* * *

Chapter One   
Bad News

 

"Matt, take a right at the next junction, then left at the roundabout."  
  
" _Jess, how far away are we?_ "  
  
"Sorry it’s been a long one, but you're nearly there; three more streets. Left in 150 yards, then sharp right followed by straight on at the junction. The anomaly is just in front of the fountain."  
  
" _Copy Jess, thanks_."  
  
Jess smiled as she watched the vehicle on the CCTV feed following her instructions, and then began searching for a sign of any incursion, her fingers flying across the keyboard off the ADD. Despite being well away from the front lines, she was still nervous about finding out whatever terrifying creature had wandered through this time. Especially as sometimes the front lines were no further than exactly where she was sitting… She shivered at the memories that began to invade her mind.  
  
Today’s anomaly was located slightly further afield in Bishop’s Stortford near Stansted Airport. It had taken the team nearly an hour and a half to reach their destination in the Saturday afternoon traffic but now they were almost there.  
  
She suddenly caught sight of movement on the opposite side of the road behind a young birch tree. "It's another raptor. Behind the birch tree diagonally to your right," Jess informed the team, as they jumped out the 4x4 armed with EMDs, Connor heading for the locking device in the boot.  
  
" _I've just about had enough of these things_ ," Abby mumbled.  
  
" _Becker, Abby, with me. Connor, take care of the anomaly but stand by to reopen on my signal. Emily, stay with Connor,_ " Matt barked.  
  
"Be careful!" Jess chipped in.  
  
The team separated. Becker in front flanked by Matt and Abby. Raptors were one of the least problematic incursions they had faced but nevertheless vicious. Even though she'd seen them triumph many times, Jess still felt sick to her stomach watching as the raptor turned its attention to the three and began advancing.  
  
" _Becker, only shoot as a last resort. We need to herd it back towards the anomaly,_ " came Abby's advice.  
  
" _Yes thank you,_ Abigail _. I'm well aware of how to handle this!_ " Becker shot back. Jess rolled her eyes with a smirk. Becker always called the girls by their full names whenever he was impatient.  
  
" _Shush both of you!_ " Matt ordered. " _On three, we split up. One. Two. Three!_ "  
  
Jess watched as the three of them spread out in different directions, hurrying back towards the anomaly. The raptor took the bait and followed Becker in the middle, the closest.  
  
But Becker was too fast.   
The raptor changed direction, heading for Abby.  
  
"Abby, the raptor is on your tail. Lead it round the other side of the fountain," Jess suggested.  
  
" _Jess, can you see anymore?_ " Becker asked.  
  
Jess did a quick scan of the CCTV. "No, it’s just the one."  
  
" _Connor, get ready_ ," Matt shouted.  
  
But instead of following Abby, the raptor decided on a short cut. Instead it took a clumsy leap over the fountain in an attempt to trap her off guard, knocking off the top half of the marble feature.  
  
" _Connor, NOW!_ " Matt bellowed.  
  
Everything happened in slow motion as Jess watched in horror. The fountain appeared to explode with the force of the raptor, sending chunks of debris and water flying.  
  
She heard Connor cry, " _Abby!_ "  
  
She heard Matt cry, " _Down!_ " as they all threw themselves to the ground to shield from the debris.  
  
She saw Becker aim his EMD at the raptor ready to shoot.  
  
However, the raptor had lost sight of its prey in the confusion, and ran straight through the reopened anomaly, which disappeared in an instant.  
  
After a few seconds of shocked silence, Jess composed herself though still flustered.  
  
"Are you all okay? I am so sorry! I didn't think it would do that. It was cleverer than I thought."  
  
She couldn't believe she had been so stupid. She should have known better. It should have been obvious that the raptor would try anything it could to get hold of its prey.  
  
" _Jess don't worry, we're all fine_ ," Becker groaned as he pulled himself to his feet. " _Just a bit wet and bruised_."  
  
" _More like soaked to the skin!_ " Connor countered.  
  
" _Connor!_ " came Abby's reprimand.  
  
" _Jess, you did great. It was a good call,_ " Matt reassured.  
  
" _How are we going to explain the state of the fountain?_ " Emily inquired.  
  
"Leave it to me," Jess replied. "Burst water pipe or something?"  
  
" _Jessica, have you_ seen _the damage?_ " Becker asked, knowing full well that she had. Nevertheless, the comment stung.  
  
"I know, I know. Just leave it to me, okay?" Even though it had obviously been her fault Jess was grateful that they didn't put the blame on her.  
  
She was the Field-Coordinator. It was her job to plan ahead and anticipate scenarios; it was what she was good at. It was her job to observe and help the team out in the field but she had almost failed. But she conceded that it couldn't go perfect every single time, no matter how much she tried.  
  
Then the ADD’s klaxons blared once more announcing the opening of another anomaly. Jess mentally shook herself and slipped back into field-coordinator mode, pressing keys on the keyboard hurriedly to access the information as quick as possible.  
  
“I’m sorry everyone but we have a second anomaly, approximately six miles west of your current position. Oh my gosh it’s in the car park at Stansted Airport!” she cried as the map zoomed in to reveal the exact location.  
  
“ _Copy Jess, any incursion?”_ Matt asked.  
  
Jess checked the CCTV and gasped. “Yes. It’s an Allosaurus. Matt you’ve got to get there _now_ , there’s so many people in that area of the car park!”  
  
“ _Jess, calm down, we’ll get there. Though directions would be helpful please?”_ Becker reassured her.  
  
“Yes, sorry. Take the third exit on the roundabout onto the A120. The entrance to the airport should be well signposted. Should take you about ten minutes. I’ll have emergency crews on standby; it’s too far away to send a back-up team and medics.”  
  
“ _Good work, Jess. Keep us informed.”  
  
_ Jess resumed watching the CCTV footage of the car park. The anomaly was still open and the Allosaurus was sneaking around, having caught sight of potential prey. Then Jess watched in horror as it made a gigantic leap over the hedge and into the road, straight into the path of three moving cars. Jess didn’t give herself time to cry out; she hacked into the air traffic control centre and alerted them to the accident.  
  
“Emergency crews needed immediately in the south car park. There’s been a three vehicle collision. Possible fatalities.”  
  
 _“Jess, we’re in the car park now.”  
  
_ “Head for the south end, the Allosaurus has attacked. Three vehicles down and a lot of damage, there’s bound to be causulties. Emergency crews are heading there now; you need to lock that anomaly!”  
  
Luckily, the team made it to the incident site before the emergency crews, giving them precious time to deal with the incursion, which had barely been harmed in the accident, and lock the anomaly.  
  
“Matt, how many civilians?” Jess asked tentatively.  
  
 _"Five, Jess. I’m sorry.”_  
  
Jess leant her head back against her chair with an audible thump. They needed to be quicker in case anything like that happened again. Two consecutive anomalies barely five miles apart from each other, that was rare. But ever since Convergence, similar incidents had begun to occur.  
  
Jess needed to make sure back-up teams, with medics, were sent every single time from now on.

* * *

As Jess restlessly awaited the team's arrival back at the ARC, she took notice of the time on the monitor and let out a sigh of relief. It was almost the end of her shift.  
  
It couldn't come any sooner. She'd been so focused on her job that she'd completely forgotten about the evening. Tonight it was date night. A night of Chinese, movies and chocolate. Just her and Becker. They'd been a couple now for nearly three months. Well, ten weeks and five days, not that Jess was counting…  
  
She was snapped out of her daydream by a hand on her shoulder. Startled, she jumped out of her chair, but then grinned when she saw the handsome soldier walking towards her.  
  
"Hey, sorry I scared you. You okay? Already to go?" Becker asked softly, wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss on the top of her head. Jess felt herself melt into his embrace, feeling instantly calmed.  
  
"Yeah, just annoyed at my mistake earlier with the raptor. And as for the Allosaurus, we need to be more prepared," she replied honestly.  
  
"Jess, you did nothing wrong, okay?" he soothed. "Come on, let's get your stuff and I'll drive back to your flat, yeah?"  
  
She reached up to give him a quick peck, nodding. "Thanks. I'd like that."  
  
He took her hand and they began to walk to the exit. But not before Abby came bounding out from the door leading to the Menagerie.  
  
"Hey Jess, you'll have the flat to yourself tonight. Connor's taking me out for dinner then we're bunking up at a hotel. His treat,” she said with a wink. "See ya tomorrow, you too, Becker."  
  
Jess was thrilled. A night alone with Becker was just what she needed. Not that it hadn't happened before, just not in a long while. Abby and Connor were just about making the final arrangements to move into an apartment close by. They'd only be sharing with her for another few days, a week tops, but Jess was still happy they wouldn't be there tonight.  
  
"Enjoy your night!" Jess replied with a grin.  
  
"You too." Abby winked once more as she watched them leave.

* * *

"Chow Mein and boiled rice for you; sweet-and-sour and prawn crackers for me," Becker clarified as he scribbled down their usual order. "My turn to go, see you in a bit."  
  
Jess nodded, failing to suppress a smile. He kissed her quickly but softly before grabbing the keys and heading for the door.  
  
"See you," she called after him.  
  
She turned on the TV and was just about to change channels when the phone rang. Delighted but curious, she scurried over to the receiver.  
  
"Hello?" she answered.  
  
 _"Hi Jess, how's everything?"  
  
_ "Mum hi! Everything's great thanks, finished work for the week now. Becker's just gone to get Chinese, but he sends his love."  
  
 _So things are still good with you and him?"_ her Mum asked.  
  
Jess giggled, finding the whole concerned parent attitude quite cute. "Yes they are. Pretty much perfect actually! It's date night tonight so we're going to be watching films and pigging out on chocolate."  
  
Jess didn't like the change in her Mum's tone when she replied, _"Oh that's great, honey."  
  
_ "Mum, what's the matter?"  
  
 _"I'm afraid I have some bad news, Jess. You remember Debby Bails, my cousin? Well, we heard today that her daughter Hannah passed away this afternoon in a car crash. I'm sorry Jess but you needed to know, you were quite close to her once."  
  
  
_ Jess felt tears well up in her eyes. "Thanks Mum. Please send my condolences to Debby." She paused for a moment. "You'll let me know about the funeral arrangements won't you?"  
  
She heard the door open behind her but she didn't need to turn around to know it was Becker returning with their food.  
  
 _"Of course, Jess,"_ her Mum replied. _"As soon as I hear, I'll let you know."  
  
_ "Thanks, send my love to Dad."  
  
 _"I will, hun, enjoy your night with Becker. Bye."_  
  
"Thanks, bye."  
  
Jess held the phone to her ear a little longer even though her Mum had already hung up, trying to process what she'd heard. Hannah. It wasn’t fair. She was only twenty-four.  She had moved to America straight after University to join a well-respected Law firm, she and Jess had lost contact after Jess began working at the ARC.  
  
Only when she felt a tear slip down her check did she snap her attention back to the present. Then she started as she realized Becker was stood in front of her, a look of concern on his face.  
  
"Jess, what's wrong?" He cupped her face in his hands and wiped the tear away with his thumb.  
  
It took Jess a minute to find her voice before she could speak. "My mum called to say my second cousin died today in a car crash over in America. She was like a big sister to me at University."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
Becker wrapped his arms around her and she returned his embrace, allowing the tears to escape freely. She loved feeling secure when he held her; it calmed her fears and cleared her head.  
  
"Come on," she said, pulling away and wiping her eyes quickly with her fingers. "Let's eat before it gets cold." 

* * *

Dinner was delicious as always and Jess was looking forward to snuggling on the sofa with Becker. Twenty minutes later they were watching Becker's favourite show, The Simpsons, when he reached for the remote and turned the volume down slightly so he could talk.  
  
"Did you want to talk about what your mum told you?" he asked gently, his left hand stroking her hair.  
  
Her cheeks suddenly felt sticky and Jess realized she must have been silently crying. Becker had obviously noticed and wanted to know if she was alright.  
  
After a moment, she nodded. "Yeah."  
  
"Sometimes after experiencing a loss, it helps to talk to someone about it. Strangely, it can help make your suffering better."  
  
It dawned on Jess that he must have done the same thing when he lost Abby, Connor and Danny to the anomalies just over two years previously. Abby and Connor had returned but for a year he'd been convinced that they were dead. He'd also blamed himself to the point where he considered leaving the ARC altogether. But talking about it obviously made the pain more bearable.  
  
"Did it help you then?" she asked, showing him she'd picked up the hint.  
  
It took Becker a few seconds before he replied. "Yes. For a while, I really struggled to do my job properly, convinced I wasn't good enough after what I had let happen. My grief was close to taking over despite all the military training and experience. I was on the verge of quitting, even handed in my resignation. Things were sorted when they disbanded the ARC project but when they got private funds, Lester wanted me to stay and I needed to be in top form."  
  
Jess nodded in understanding, "Good," was all she could say as she felt Becker kiss the top of the head.  
  
"So, start from the beginning," he prompted her. "How did you get into University?"  
  
Jess took some time processing her thoughts, grateful to Becker for not rushing her. Then she took a deep breath and began.  
  
"I was fourteen, Hannah was eighteen."

* * *

**To be continued.**

 


	2. Monday Madness

** Chapter Two  
Monday Madness **

**  
**

December 2005  
  
" _It's 6.55 now, The Chris Moyles Show is next but first here's the news and sport with Dominic Byrne._ "  
  
Jess groaned as the sound of the radio abruptly ruined her peaceful slumber.  
  
Usually Mondays were her favourite day of the week. It was a brand new start. She always tidied her bedroom on a Sunday afternoon so it was aesthetically pleasing enough to not put her off her morning routine.  
  
However, today wasn't one of those favourite days. She'd neglected to tidy her room yesterday because she'd been so caught up in her Mum and Dad's 18th wedding anniversary. Even though she'd had it planned to the precise times from handing plates out to the guests to cutting the cake, Jess had still been rushing around like a mad woman making sure everything was perfect.  
  
And perfect was exactly what it had been. Other than she'd completely neglected her own room.  
  
Now she was having to deal with the consequences as she leapt out of bed and began fumbling through shelves finding her school books and pulling stationery from its boxes on her deck to throw in a pencil case. She spared a glance at her clock: 7:11am.  
  
There was a knock on her door but she didn't bother to answer it as a second later her Mum peered through.  
  
"Jess, honey, you're making an awful lot of noise."  
  
But Jess didn't look up as she answered hurriedly. "I forgot to rearrange my room yesterday, so I now have to rush around trying to remember where I last had everything!"  
  
"Jess, calm down, you've still got plenty of time. Besides, your room is spotless as always," her mum reassured.  
  
"But it's already quarter past seven; I should be in the shower!" Jess felt incredibly flustered and took a minute to sit on her bed and take a few deep breaths. Then, slightly calmer, she spoke in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry Mum."  
  
Her mum came over for a hug. Jess loved hugs; they made her feel instantly calm. As she pulled away, her mum said, "Go get in the shower now, take your time and I'll take you to school later, okay?"  
  
Jess nodded. "Thanks, Mum."  
  
If this was how her Monday was already going, Jess was dreading the rest of the day…

* * *

Jess sprinted out of the car before her mum could even say goodbye. But she heard her calling after her, "Have you got your epi-pen?"  
  
Jess rolled her eyes. "YES!" she bellowed back, hoping her mum had heard. Like she was ever going to come into contact with an insect at school let alone get bitten by one. She walked quickly but calmly to her first class of the day: ICT. Another reason why Jess usually loved Mondays. She was very good with computers (top of the class in fact) and pretty much any piece of technology she ever got her hands on.  
  
Her teacher, Mr Selby, had told Jess numerous times that she'd be a great technician and would no doubt end up working for a top company such as Apple or Microsoft – _if_ she decided to go down that route which she probably would.  
  
"Right then, everyone," Mr Selby said as he entered the room. "Today, we're starting a brand-new unit in preparation for your OCR National First Award which we'll begin next week. We should have started them the week after half term but yours truly was unfortunately struck down with the flu!"  
  
The rest of the class groaned in protest of having to do work first thing on a Monday morning. But Jess couldn't have been happier. She was bound to whizz through this just like she had done the others.  
  
The teacher seemed to have read her mind as he added with a smile, "Miss Parker, feel free to start Unit 1 of Level 2 as soon as you've completed this one. We'll be starting the National Award in Thursday's lesson."  
  
All the stress of her morning so far forgotten Jess beamed, ignoring all the dirty looks she was receiving from her classmates. As well as her normal lesson now, she also had an extra double lesson with Year 11s on Thursday afternoons, which meant she was guaranteed to finish both OCR National qualifications by the end of the school year.  
  
As they got to work Jess zoned out, oblivious to what everyone else was doing as her fingers flew between keyboard and mouse effortlessly, pausing only to listen politely to Mr Selby giving instructions on the smart board to the rest of the class.  
  
When the bell sounded signalling the end of the lesson, as the class filed out Mr Selby called out, "Folders in the box please! See you next week, people. Jess, can you stay behind for a minute please?"  
  
Jess didn't know whether to be worried or excited; she settled for nervous. "Yes, Sir?" she asked as the last person left the room.  
  
"I'm sorry to keep you from being on time to your next lesson, but this matter really couldn't wait until break."  
  
Oh no. What could be so bad that he had to tell her _now_? A million different scenarios began whizzing around her head.  
  
She'd forgotten something.  
He was unhappy with her work.  
One of her parents were sick.  
  
But his facial expression wasn't radiating reprimand or anything negative, instead he looked positively over the moon.  
  
"Jess, you are absolutely brilliant at what you do. Your ability far exceeds anyone in this class, even my Year 11s. You're focused and you're determined, but most importantly you understand this subject better than anyone else, maybe even better than me."  
  
Jess just looked at him in shock. She hadn't been expecting this.  
  
Mr Selby continued, "I've had a chat with the principal and she in turn thinks this is a fabulous opportunity for you. There is a Cambridge University trip next Wednesday for gifted and talented students. One of my students is going to try out the Computer Science degree, and I'm inviting you to attend. If you'd like?"  
  
Jess was overwhelmed and couldn't suppress a grin. "But isn't that trip run for Year 11 students? I'm Year 9."  
  
"Yes, it is, but your ability speaks for itself, Jess. The invitation is open to you. Have a think about it then come to my office at lunch to collect a letter. Personally, I couldn't be more proud of one of my students and I think your parents will think the same."  
  
"Th-thank you, Sir!" Jess stammered as what he's offered washed over her.  
  
"You're welcome. Now, hurry along," he said gently looking at his watch. "You're four minutes late for biology."  
  
Jess hurried from the room. Perhaps this was a favourite Monday after all!

* * *

"Cambridge Uni? Jess, that's insane!" Millie Henderson exclaimed as she handed the letter back.  
  
"I know right! What they heck are my parents going to say?"  
  
Millie gave her a reproachful look. "Jess that's not the point! You could be going to University as soon as next _year_! _Cambridge,_ Jess!"  
  
"Shush, keep your voice down!" Jess warned, glancing around nervously. "But what about doing things properly? You know, GCSEs and A-levels? I've had my schedule planned since Year 7!"  
  
"I know that's what you'd rather do but Jess, this is the chance of a lifetime! Besides, I'm sure they'll arrange something for you, to do them in the summer or while you're _at_ Uni, those OCR Nationals count as GCSEs anyway. But seriously, you could end up in a proper top job here – special ops or something governmental. If they even recruit teens like they do in the movies…" she trailed off thoughtfully.  
  
Jess rolled her eyes. Millie and her crazed mind! "Of course, I'm going to try it out but…don't you think it's too soon? I'm fourteen!"  
  
"Well, Selby and Fink obviously believe in you. You're underestimating yourself. Look, I know this isn't you. It's _so_ not you, you'll be totally out of your comfort zone in such a deep end – anyone would be! But on the other hand, you'll take it in your stride and jump over any obstacles because that is what Jess Parker does best! No matter what pressure you get put under, you're always so calm and collected."  
  
Jess couldn't express how much she loved Millie right then.  
  
It'd always been the two of them: the computer nerd and the sci-fi geek. Well, that's how everyone else saw them anyway… In reality, they were both ordinary teenage girls whose hobbies were shopping, scouting for hot boys, shopping, gossiping, shopping and sleepovers – with a bit of extra sass thrown in.  
In films the geeky girls always got the hot guys didn't they?  
  
Except their lives weren't planned out in a script and performed on a big screen. Boys judged them solely on cuteness and interests. Being a 'computer nerd' as it were, was neither considered cute, hot, nor a hobby. Instead, it placed Jess in the category of 'no-goers' where all the goth kids and all other cliques that weren't sporty, dumb, or pretty went.  
  
And Jess had always considered herself to be worthy of the description 'pretty'. She hardly ever needed to wear make-up, she was skinny, and her fashion sense hardly screamed 'nerd'. She'd recently acquired a taste for collecting shoes. Big wedge heels in bright neon colours, dainty flats in all colours of the rainbow and, the most recent, converse high tops covered in obscure but fascinating patterns.  
  
Girly shoes.  
  
It was just a pity she was never able to show them off at school due to the uniform policy. The best she could do was to wear skirts that showed off plenty of leg…  
  
She realised her thoughts had gone off at a steep tangent and refocused her attention back to Millie, who was giving her a funny look.  
  
"You alright?"  
  
"Yeah, fine," she reassured her.  
  
"So it's all settled? You're going to go?" Millie asked.  
  
"Definitely."

* * *

"Oh, Debby will _love_ this!"  
  
"Ange, don't you think you're making a bit of a fuss?"  
  
"Nonsense! Hannah's just had an interview there, she'll be thrilled!"  
  
"But shouldn't we wait until Jess has at least _been_ there before we decide her future for her?!"  
  
"Howard, what else is she going to do? How could she possibly turn down such an opportunity?"  
  
Jess coughed loudly. "Excuse me, I am still in the room." This broke the conversation and a short, awkward silence ensued.  
  
"Jess, will you please allow me to call Debby to tell her your news?" her mum asked with a pleading look.  
  
Jess hesitated before shaking her head. "I don't want it getting out. Things won't be good for me. And as if Hannah will want to know, let alone be pleased that I could be starting with her – I'm three years younger than her."  
  
"My point exactly," added her dad.  
  
Jess ignored him. "And that wasn't even discussed! All Mr Selby did was invite me on the trip; I didn't infer that it would mean anything else, certainly not jumping the gun and starting early. It's just a possibility for when I'm 18 and ready for higher education."  
  
This was a complete lie as she had in fact taken it to mean exactly that – jumping the gun. So had Millie. And now so had her mum. Jess sighed, was it just females who had a noticeable lack of irrational inferences?  
  
But Mr Selby had used the phrase "fabulous opportunity.” What else could it have meant?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jess was born in 1991 according to internet profiles and she's 19 in series 4, putting this chapter in 2005. The next few chapters are set from December '05 to May '06. I'll keep you updated on dates as we go along!
> 
> OCR Nationals are UK secondary school ICT qualifications, equivalent to GCSEs.


	3. Cherry Hinton

** Chapter Three  
** ** Cherry Hinton **

 

December 2005  
  
The rest of the week passed in a daze. Jess couldn't wait for the weekend so she could have some time alone to think, and was extremely happy when the final bell rang on Friday afternoon.  
  
She'd asked Mr Selby to keep the whole Cambridge thing quiet as the last thing she wanted was to be the centre of attention. The only student she'd told had been Millie and Jess knew she'd never betray her trust. It wasn't that she was ashamed, far from it; it was just another thing to be picked on and sneered at for. It was bad enough being top of the class, but anyone finding out there was a possibility of her leaving for a top University… Jess didn't want to risk it.  
  
So far it appeared both had kept their word and Jess liked it that way. However, it didn't appear she was going to have any time alone to think. As soon as she got home and had flopped on the sofa, her dad came rushing into the room.  
  
"Jess, hey, you need to run upstairs and help your mum pack for the weekend. We're going away first thing in the morning."  
  
Jess was stunned. "What? Where? Why wasn't I warned about this?!" She heard her mum coming down the stairs. "Mum, what is Dad talking about?" Jess demanded as she entered the room.  
  
"Debby's invited us over for the weekend!" she exclaimed.  
  
Jess was livid. She had only met her second cousin's family once when she was younger, she didn't know anything about them and now she was expected to bunk up for the weekend with them? She could only see one explanation…  
  
"You mean _you_ invited us over for the weekend! How could you?"  
  
"Jess, I haven't said anything, _yet_ , but I think it's the perfect chance for you to talk to Hannah about things."  
  
"Mum, Hannah and I don't know each other. When was the last time I saw her, when I was like five?!"  
  
"You were eight actually and you both got on very well! It'll be good for you; she's in the same boat."  
  
"No, she's not, Mum! She's eighteen, I'm fourteen!"  
  
"She's eighteen in a matter of months and you will be fifteen next year!"  
  
"EVERYBODY, CALM!" her dad shouted. "Jess, I know it's a bit sudden but it is for your benefit. Spend the rest of the night packing your stuff and get an early bed. We're out of this house at 8.30."  
  
Jess knew she wouldn't win the fight, so she gave up with a frustrated sigh before storming up the stairs. She enjoyed meeting new people as she was able to talk about herself a lot, but she was also nervous about what they might think of her. Jess was never ashamed to talk about her interests or ticks or achievements as it was what made her Jess; she was just afraid of not pleasing everybody.  
  
Seriously though, what was eighteen-year-old intelligent, sophisticated law student Hannah Bails going to think of fourteen-year-old, overconfident tech-geek Jess Parker?

* * *

The car journey was boring. Jess wasn't in a good mood and had no interest in what lay outside the windows so instead buried herself in her favourite book, Wuthering Heights, for an hour and a half. She'd learned that The Bails lived in Cherry Hinton, just four miles outside of Cambridge. They had moved there from Coventry two years ago, when it became apparent that their only daughter would be making it to the best University in the country, so why not live on its doorstep?  
  
Jess could think of several answers to that question…  
  
The last thing she wanted was to listen to her mother bang on about it all, so made sure she deliberately had The Smiths blasting out of her earphones of her MP3 to make it clear she wasn't listening. When they finally pulled up into the drive, Jess couldn't help but gasp in awe. The house looked like something out of a holiday catalogue, so new and pristine. It had three storeys with a balcony running along the first level. Jess chuckled as she shook her head. It was just how she'd imagine a Hall of Residence to look like.  
  
A cheerful, dark-haired, baby-faced woman opened the door when Jess tentatively knocked three times. "Hello everyone, come in!" she said, standing back to allow them through. Jess guessed she was in her early forties. "Hey, Angela, so good to see you!" Debby chirped, pecking her on the cheek and giving her a hug.  
  
"Hey, Debs, how are you doing?" Jess's mum replied.  
  
"Great thanks, go make yourself at home in the sitting room. Leave your bags here in the hall, we'll sort them later. Mark will get you some drinks." She turned to Jess. "Aww, Jessica, look how you've grown, you're positively gorgeous!" she cooed before embracing her with a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Thanks," Jess replied shyly, cringing at the use of her full name. Normally, her parents only used it when they were angry or annoyed at her, so Debby using it normally threw her slightly. "Please, call me Jess." She smiled briefly but politely.  
  
"Hannah is very excited to see you; she's just upstairs getting ready."  
  
Jess nodded as she made her way into the lounge. It was smaller than she'd been expecting given the size of the house, approximately fifteen feet long and twelve feet wide. There was a small marble fireplace complete with an electric fire, and two three-seater beige sofas facing each other separated by a coffee table. The 42" silver screen in the corner seemed to dwarf the room, but Jess thought she'd eventually get used to it. The biggest TV they had in her house was barely 20" and fit nice and snug into their lounge.  
  
No sooner had she sat down, Mark came into the room hassling them all for drink orders and Jess asked for a glass of water. She sat and listened to the general buzz of conversation between the adults around her, feeling slightly awkward and was glad when Hannah finally walked into the room.  
  
"Ah, Hannah. How about you take Jess up to her room, yeah?" Debby asked.  
  
Hannah briefly scanned the room until her eyes fell on Jess. She didn't look seventeen, in fact she looked older than her mother if that were possible. But a flash of those pearly whites brought back the youth in an instant. She was dressed in a smart-casual outfit of a fitted burgundy day-dress and dark denim jacket. Nothing special, Jess thought, but it worked all the same. She herself wasn't wearing anything special to avoid making the wrong impression, just a floral tube skirt with a vest top and cardigan.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Jess, do you want to follow me?" It was a rhetorical question as Jess really had no choice, but she still answered, "yeah," as she followed the blonde up the stairs with her bag.  
  
Hannah's room was on the second floor and an explosion of purple, complete with an en-suite and French windows onto a balcony. But rather than the street outside, this balcony showed off a view of a magnificent garden.  
  
"I'll show you to your room a bit later if you don't mind. It'd be rude of me to just shove you into a different room without first getting to know you." Her tone was perfectly friendly, but Jess could tell she was nervous. Just like her, Hannah didn't know how things were going to go, but Jess was grateful that she was at least trying to be a good host.  
  
"I think we need to have a little character discussion to break the ice. I'll go first so you don't feel uncomfortable," she said enthusiastically, sitting on the edge of her lilac double bed. Jess took the gesture as an invitation to do the same. Hannah continued, "Okay, so my name's Hannah, I'm studying law at college and looking to get into University in September. My favourite colour is purple as you might already have guessed. I love romantic novels and rom-com films. As for music, I settle for anything really but my favourite singer is definitely Avril Lavigne. My favourite hobbies are hockey and reading."  
  
Jess listened intently, trying to identify her traits. She appeared to be modest which Jess found surprising and suddenly felt guilty for jumping to conclusions and being judgemental. Aside from being intelligent enough for Cambridge, she was just an average seventeen-year-old. When Jess realised Hannah had gone silent, she took her cue.  
  
"Well, I'm Jess, I'm in Year 9 at secondary school. My favourite subject is definitely IT, it's what I'm best at. I love shopping and fashion, and my new favourite hobby is collecting shoes. I'm a bit of a neat-freak too, and my favourite food is definitely chocolate!"  
  
Hannah both looked and sounded impressed, "Shoes? Wow, that's so cool! Dare I ask how many pairs?"  
  
"Twelve. I've brought five with me."  
  
"Double wow! So what kinds do you like?"  
  
"Wedge heels mostly, but I also have pumps and sandals. I just started on converse too; I love the pattern range they brought out a few months ago. I love bright colours. I have three pairs of converse, five sets of flats and four wedge heels."  
  
It was only when she took a deep breath that Jess realised she'd been rambling and quickly stopped herself. She was pleased Hannah seemed to be taking her seriously – it made her feel so much more relaxed that she was beginning to enjoy herself. Hannah too appeared to feel the same way. She was grinning widely but then her face grew serious.  
  
"I must admit that this really wasn't what I was expecting. I mean, you're so mature for your age. From my experience, normally fourteen-year-olds are trapped in a kind of muddle. They're not sure what they like or what they want out of life. But you're quite extraordinary, Jess. I'm sure Cambridge would be honoured to have you."  
  
Jess froze, then frowned. Mum had promised that she hadn't said anything… had she been lying?  
  
"Ha-ha, sorry, I seem to have freaked you out. It's obvious really why you're here. My mum was all secretive, saying it would be nice to see you all properly and stuff, but I'm not stupid. We live on its doorstep." She wasn't being sarcastic; her tone was sincere and apologetic.  
  
"I wasn't sure how to approach the subject without being blunt, but it's a relief it's finally out in the open. I had no idea we were coming until last thing last night," Jess said honestly.  
  
"So, are you gonna tell me the details?" Hannah asked.  
  
Jess filled her in about the conversation between her ICT teacher and the possible meanings she had worked out. She expressed her feelings honestly as if she and Hannah had been friends for ages. Oddly enough, she liked it. It felt like she was talking to an older sibling.  
  
"So you're doing three years' worth of IT in a year?" Hannah clarified, "Jess, that's amazing! I had to attend extra classes during holidays in Year 11 to finish mine!" Jess just shrugged. "So, it's this Wednesday, yeah? It will be extremely daunting as you're only fourteen, but from what I've inferred about your ability, you shouldn't have a problem."'  
  
But a problem was bugging Jess. "Only my teacher, the principal and my best friend know from school. But once I've been, it's going to be all over… What's everyone going to think of me?"  
  
"Jess, it's _your_ future here, no one else's. Who cares what other people think, you should be proud of your achievements! Look, no one is in the position to decide what's right or wrong. Yes, there might be the odd few who will push you," she said honestly, recognising the irony of her own words, "but they're just trying to help you use your ability to your advantage. I agree with what you think the invitation meant. Your teacher wouldn't ask you so young if he didn't have a reason."  
  
Jess took a minute to chew over what her cousin had said. So Hannah too was in the same frame of mind that Mr Selby was aiming high with the hope of her starting University early – and not just any University... He obviously believed she had the ability and potential to keep up.  
  
"What do _you_ think about all this?" she asked carefully.  
  
Hannah picked up the hint, "Jess, I don't doubt your ability at all and if you're ready then go for it. I needed to take things slowly to learn the principles and procedures of law and everything about the subject. Then I had to take exams to prove I was ready for higher education. And I couldn't be happier where I stand. Whereas you have already proved you have enough knowledge and ability. Taking things slowly could be a mistake that you'll one day regret."  
  
Jess could see what Hannah was trying to say. What frustrated her was the fact that everyone seemed to automatically think she was underestimating herself. Jess knew how good she was and it even annoyed her how people couldn't keep up with her sometimes.  
  
But it all came down to her schedule. Taking things slowly was Jess's perfect idea of education...  
  
"GIRLS, LUNCH!" came Mark's bellowing voice from downstairs.  
  
She wasn't sure what she wanted anymore.

 


	4. Taster Day

**Chapter Four**  
 ** Taster Day**  


Jess didn't sleep well. Throughout the night she kept tossing and turning, her brain refusing to rest. She was torn. She was utterly torn and didn't know what to do. It frightened her. For the first time in her entire life Jess Parker didn't know what path to follow – the straight and narrow, or the long and winding.  
  
She scolded herself for panicking. After all, there was still tomorrow. _The_ Day _._ It could change her whole perspective. Or it could just mess things up even more… Jess was usually one to be optimistic; a negative attitude brought negative consequences. However this time, she was struggling to see positives.  
  
So many things could go wrong…

Mr Selby could have been wrong about her. She might be miserable and absolutely hate everything. It could prove her doubts right, that she wasn't ready. And prove everyone who believed in her wrong. Jess really didn't want that to happen, but there was a  _very_ strong possibility.

So as the coach pulled away from the school at 8.15 Wednesday morning, Jess's stomach began to churn. To keep a low profile, she had seated herself near the front of the coach away from the Year 11s, music blasting from her headphones. This allowed her to be temporarily immersed in her own world and think over the events of the weekend.

She had, without a doubt, bonded with her second cousin in the short hours they had spent together. Saturday afternoon, they had headed into the city and Hannah had given her a tour to show off the landmarks, including the University itself – though she left the interior for Jess to explore today. Then Jess had shown Hannah her favourite stores and they'd spent a good deal of time messing around in the fitting rooms. Jess came away with a brand new pair of converse, courtesy of Hannah.

On the Sunday, Hannah's best friends came around: Mabel, Rachel, and Tom. Jess had tried to convince Hannah to leave her to her own devices while her friends were there, but she wouldn't have it. So Jess was introduced and roped into conversations about Universities (Mabel was heading up to Edinburgh, Rachel to Leeds and Tom to Cambridge with Hannah) and also fashion. Hannah made sure Jess was included and Rachel and Tom too tried small talk to make her comfortable.

When it was time to head back to Twickenham, Hannah had given Jess her mobile number and email address and made her promise to stay in touch so she could know how Jess found the trip.

Her phone buzzed in her lap.

_Hey, how're you feeling? You didn't chicken out last minute, did you? x_

Jess smiled to herself before giving a quick reply.

_Ha-ha no I'm still going, just passed Stevenage on the A1. I have butterflies but I'm actually quite excited now! x_

But the butterflies  _really_  began when the coach pulled up to the University just before ten o'clock. It was a haunted castle and she was the innocent tourist who'd end up trapped inside. A male student greeted them and led them into the main building. They were then led into a side room to watch a brief presentation by the recruitment officer about the University's history and what was on offer both at the University and in the surrounding area.

Afterwards, the student, whose name was Alex, asked each one of the visitors in turn to say their name and subject of interest and then get into groups, as they'd be split up to join with other school groups visiting. The boy Jess was paired with for Computer Science was Ben Hammond. He was good-looking, but wasn't interested in talking to her which Jess found quite rude.

The two were picked up for a brief campus tour by a second year student, Annabel Jones, who was already with a gang of ten other prospective pupils. On their way around, they were briefly quizzed. This made things quite awkward for Jess, especially when one of the questions was, "So, how are your GCSEs going?"

Ben Hammond piped up that he couldn't wait to get them over with before adding snidely, "but some of us are clearly too good for GCSEs as they won't even be doing them."

Jess frowned, recognising the comment was aimed directly at her. Worse still, Alex cottoned on as he turned to her, "How old are you, then?"

Jess wanted the ground to swallow her up. But she bit back the embarrassment and humiliation - which took quite a lot of effort - and announced enthusiastically, "Fourteen."

There was an audible gasp from the group and Jess felt her cheeks suddenly flush with warmth. Fortunately, they had reached their destination of the IT block and Annabel tried not to draw attention by speaking quietly to her before changing the subject, "Well, I wish you the best of luck, even though you may not need it! Okay, we're here."

She then began reeling off some history of the building and famous people who'd taken the course. But Jess wasn't listening. Instead she was thinking about what Ben had said. If that was his attitude here in front of people they didn't know, what were things going to be like when they got back to school?

* * *

Once in front of the computer screen, Jess was back in her comfort zone. All awkwardness from earlier forgotten, she eagerly listened to the tutor, Charlie, giving out instructions of three tasks to perform before setting them off. Jess finished all of them in record time, much to the utter surprise of Charlie.

"Well, you wouldn't be here if your teacher wasn't serious, hey?" he chuckled. "Okay, I'll move you onto the next task. Well, general assignments to allow you to show your abilities and have lots of fun! However, this one is definitely more challenging," he said, leading her over to an isolated machine in the corner.  
  
"Okay, so on this monitor is a program which will reset itself once you've completed it so everyone can have a go. Just read the guidelines on the screen and begin." And with that, he sprinted back to the other side of the room to assist the other students.

Jess wasn't surprised to find it was a restoration simulation. The guidelines informed her that she needed to successfully navigate through several firewalls to regain control of the machine. As she had dealt with similar problems before at home, Jess knew exactly what to do.

She loved tinkering with computer parts. When she was eleven, her granddad – who worked for a computer manufacturing company - showed her the ins and outs of a computer monitor. He'd even shown her how to build her own, though Jess didn't think they'd be asked to do such a thing on a simple taster day.

She heard the classroom door open and through the reflection in the computer screen she could see a man in a black suit carrying a briefcase walk over to the young teacher. Jess chanced a glance over her shoulder. They retreated to the middle of the room where they wouldn't be overheard and began talking in hushed tones. In the computer screen, Jess could see the suited man taking periodic glances in her direction while Charlie nodded.

When she let him know she'd completed the program, the teacher eagerly had her in deep conversation about her advanced knowledge, the suited man leaning against a desk close by. He was very impressed, especially when she told him she could build her own and Jess felt a huge wave of pride pass through her, grinning from ear to ear.

By then it was lunch, and they were all led down to a huge function room for a buffet. There were several tables joined together length ways laden with hot snacks such as mini quiches, samosas and spring rolls and also every flavour of sandwich Jess had ever heard of.

There were some good two-hundred students already seated around circular tables, tucking in and chatting away. Jess grabbed some food and settled down in a chair at the nearest table which was already occupied by five students (three boys and two girls) and a Student Ambassador. Being in a confident and cheery mood, she introduced herself and asked if they had all enjoyed their day so far.

The brunette girl immediately on her left answered first, "I'm Ellie, I've been looking at Physics this morning, and it's been amazing! What have you been here for?"

"Computer Science," Jess replied contentedly, then added when Ellie looked surprised, "I know, it's a bit odd but I love technology!"

"No that's really cool! I'd just always imagined that to be a boy's thing."

"Says the girl who's here for physics!" Jess shot back lightly. They both descended into a fit of laughter.

When she recovered, Jess looked around at the three boys on her right. "So, what do you all want to do?" she asked brightly.

From left to right they answered in turn.

"I'm Tony. Maths."

"Bradley. Archaeology."

"And I'm Alex, I wanna do Chemistry." He looked at the other girl to Jess's left who was still to speak. "What do you want to do?"

"Err, History. And my name's Amy."

"So, are you three from the same school?" Jess asked the three boys.

They nodded in response and then Bradley elaborated, "South Hampstead High School in Greater London."

"I'm from Whitton School in Twickenham." Jess smiled. "South Hampstead. That's near Regent's Park, right?" She was pretty sure she recognised the name. Her parents took her into the capital occasionally for day-trips and she was pretty sure they often passed the school to get to Regent's Park.

"Well, on a map it is," Alex said, chuckling. Jess blushed.

"So, Ellie and Mary, where are you both from?" Jess turned to them.

"Kensington," Mary replied simply.

"That's cool."

The table descended into silence as they all finished their food. Then Tony mumbled about getting dessert before leaping up and disappearing. Bradley followed.  
Throughout their discussion, the student ambassador had sat by quietly watching. But now he spoke up, presumably to break the silence.

"So, Jess, how did you find Computer Science?"

Jess was eager to reply, "Oh, it was great, I'm loving it already. I was a bit nervous but it all went pretty well! What do you do here?" His name badge on his chest told Jess his name was Matthew but his subject was a mystery.

"Maths. How good are you at Maths? You know that Maths is required at A-level for the course, yeah?"

Jess cringed. Here was the awkward conversation. "Err, well, yes, I have been told. I'm going to attempt it at sixth form next year." She utterly failed at trying not to sound nervous. Or like she was not lying through her teeth.

But Matthew wasn't fooled. "You're not sixteen, are you." It was more of a statement than a question which just made Jess cringe even more.

Tony and Bradley chose that moment to return to the table.

"No," she said resignedly. "I'm fourteen."

There was an audible gasp, all the students turning to her with a look of shock on their faces.

"Wow," Alex remarked.

"What are you doing here then?" Ellie reprimanded. Jess was astounded, she didn't have to be so rude about it!

"I was invited to check out the course and then see what happens," she replied coolly.

She scanned their faces in turn looking at their reactions. Ellie next to her was looking at her with what could only be described as disgust. Mary was too shy to show a reaction. Bradley had his eyebrows raised and Tony mumbled, "Child prodigy much." Only Alex and Matthew looked impressed and Jess felt her cheeks flush.

Luckily, that was the moment lunch was called to an end. Jess let out a sign of relief; she'd soon be getting back to her computer!

The subjects were called out in alphabetical order and Jess couldn't wait to leave the room. She'd tried desperately to engage in conversation to make her seem like she was their age. But Matthew had seen right through her and it had brought her momentary persona crashing down around her.

Had she been too confident? Had she been too interrogative, asked too many questions?

There was only an hour and a half left before they were due to leave the campus. But when they got back to the computer suite, Jess was disappointed to hear that they'd be leaving the computers alone for a bit to do some ice-breakers to get to know each other instead.  
  
Just what she didn't want after such a disastrous dinner!

They were split into pairs and Jess found herself back with Ben Hammond, the rude Year 11 boy who'd insulted her in front of everyone that morning. Nevertheless, Jess put it behind her and tried to be nice.

"So, I'm Jess. I love shopping, fashion, chocolate and pop music. My favourite book is Wuthering Heights and my favourite subject is IT."

Ben sat slumped in his chair, his arms folded. Jess couldn't tell if he was annoyed because he was with her or because he simply didn't want to be there. When he noticed Jess staring at him expectantly he sighed and shuffled on his chair.

"I'm Ben. I love video games, I have an Xbox 360. My favourite games are Call of Duty and Need for Speed, which was released last month. I don't like reading I'm more of a film fan – the action's much better visualised than written down. One of my hobbies is stargazing."

Well at least he'd been listening to her. Playing video games was what she expected from a teenage boy, but the stargazing thing intrigued her.

"Stargazing? So do you have a telescope?"

This changed his body language completely. He sat up, with a smile on his face and hands on his knees. Jess was pleased with herself for bringing him out of his sulk.

"Yeah, my dad's an astrophysicist so he's taught me a lot about the solar system and universe. We go up to Richmond Park a lot and look at planets and nearby systems and stuff."

Jess nodded. Astronomy wasn't really a particular interest of hers but she always liked learning about it in physics at school. But the whole concept of so many stars being even bigger than the Sun showing just how small they really were in the universe was just too much to contemplate.

"Okay, the person on the right please move to your left to join a new partner!" Charlie shouted. Jess realised this meant her and quickly shuffled over to a rather scary looking girl with black squared glasses that really didn't suit her.

Perhaps Ben wasn't that mean after all.

* * *

 

When two-thirty hit, Jess was quite sad to be leaving. She could honestly admit to herself that she'd had a great day despite the odd hiccup. For once, she'd actually felt like she fitted in and it had felt pretty good!

Through the excitement of the day, she'd completely forgotten about contacting Hannah or even her parents. When she checked her phone as they got back on the coach, Jess found three messages and five missed calls, four of which were from her mum.

She was about to call her back when out the corner of her eye she saw someone sit beside her and was startled when she looked up to see Ben Hammond, an apologetic look on his face.

"Hey, look I'm sorry about today. I was a bit too judgemental and wasn't very nice to you. You were perfectly lovely to me earlier despite how I'd treated you and I realised my mistake. How about you come sit up back with everyone, yeah?"

Jess returned his smile and nodded. "I'd like that. And I accept your apology," she added as she grabbed her bag and followed Ben to the back end of the coach.

She sat down in an empty seat opposite Ben and angled herself with her back to the window so she could join in the chatter. She was very thankful she had chosen to wear her school trousers today! Ben introduced her to the others and Jess waved at them with a, "Hey!"  
  
It felt rude to pick up her phone and call her mum so she settled for mere texting instead and cancelled whenever her mum tried to call her. She didn't want the others listening in on her private conversations.

Hannah wouldn't stop firing questions at her.  
  
_How did you find it?_  
_Was it hard?_  
 _Was the teacher good?_  
 _How did everyone treat you?_  
 _Have you made any friends?_

Jess found it somewhat frustrating having to send such long replies to simple questions so instead gave up, replying that she'd call as soon as she got home.

* * *

 

The coach ride home was much more enjoyable than the journey to the University. She had a much longer conversation with Ben about his hobbies than they had had in the class and she was surprised at what she learned, feeling a bit of a hypocrite.

Not only did he love stargazing and playing video games but he also enjoyed gardening and cooking. His mum owned an allotment around the corner from their home; Ben helped out regularly and they cooked with the produce. He had no intentions of being a chef, but he joked that he could make it to the final of a MasterChef show if he were to try.

He seemed interested in finding more about Jess too. She rambled on about her shoe collection and her favourite flavours of chocolate; her favourite feature of her laptop and even her favourite holiday destinations. One of the boys, presumably a friend of Ben's, lobbed them a packet of Cadbury mini eggs for them to share. While they ate and Jess continued her ramble, Ben didn't argue or shoot her down like he'd tried to earlier. Instead he listened politely and asked her questions to show his interest.

When they arrived back at school, Ben said a cheery goodbye with even a "see you around," attached. Jess felt very positive about this; could it be the promising start of a friendship?

She couldn't wait to find out. Nor could she wait to spill the gossip of her day trip to her parents, cousin, and best friend!

* * *

**To be continued.**


	5. New Year, New Plans

**December 2005**  
  
Snow began to fall in the week following the trip showing Christmas was on its way. The delicate white flakes leaving nowhere untouched, covering everywhere in a thick blanket of snow. Twickenham was once again covered in festive lights, red and green window displays and tinselled trees.

Christmas was Jess' favourite time of the year. It was the time of carols in the street, dinner in front of the fire, Christmas movies and spending time with family members they didn't see much. And, of course, presents! Though she was never quite sure of what to ask for…

Her mum had told her that she'd already sorted for Hannah and her family to come over Boxing Day and New Year's Eve. Jess couldn't wait! Since the Cambridge trip, she and Hannah had kept in contact every day, texting or calling each other with any and every bit of gossip. The night of the trip Jess had talked for nearly three hours, giving every detail from names to the conversation on the coach home. Hannah had been pleased that Jess had enjoyed it so much.

At school the next day, Mr Selby had talked to her for the whole of the afternoon double wanting to know how she'd gotten on. He then told her that the Cambridge IT tutor had called him especially that lunchtime to say how impressed he'd been with her, and how he hoped to make arrangements for Jess to go back with the future first years for another, more serious taster day. Jess called Hannah on the way home to tell her.

As for Ben, Jess did see him around – a lot. He sometimes joined her and Millie at lunch for a brief conversation to catch up on how Jess was doing and now sat next to her in the afternoon ICT double on Thursdays. Millie always gave her the smug 'here comes your boyfriend' look whenever Ben joined them, and Jess always had to convince her afterwards that they were just friends though she was pretty sure Millie was just teasing. Yes they did have a few things in common, but she didn't feel about him  _that_  way and she knew he felt the same.

* * *

 

Once the 17th December arrived, Jess was roped into the annual Christmas shopping trip for food, a new outfit and last minute presents. Even though she absolutely adored shopping, sometimes – Christmas mainly – it could be incredibly stressful when there were so many people everywhere! There were enormous queues for the fitting rooms in Topshop and Next, and even bigger ones at the checkouts in M&S and Thorntons.

She bought Millie a top-up of her favourite perfume, Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker, and a selection of her favourite chocolates and sweets. For Hannah she went for the theme of purple. Purple pyjamas, a purple woolly hat and a pair of dark purple converse (not the high tops). And for herself, Jess found a plain red dress with a gold belt and a dark green cardigan to match and also a few new pairs of flesh coloured tights as most of hers were laddered.

Jess spent the next week helping to tidy and decorate the house. They'd had the tree up in the lounge since the 4th but they always saved the final preparations until the last week when Jess was off school for the holidays. She loved playing Christmas carols on her cd player and putting up paper chains in her room, tinsel on her door and a mini Christmas tree on her windowsill. Her dad hung the stockings up over the fireplace and her mum made the Christmas pudding.

Christmas Eve night, Jess and her mum and dad settled down in front of the TV to watch the Christmas specials before Jess headed off to bed early. In the morning, she was unsurprisingly the first one awake so busied herself emptying her stocking. Inside she found several bars of chocolate. Beaming, she opened one bar and picked at it until her mum peered through the door.

The opening of the presents was over by ten and Jess spent the few hours she had until dinner watching more Christmas specials and running updates on her laptop. She was excited to show off this year's outfit and was up in her room for 1 o'clock getting changed and applying make-up. When she went back downstairs her mum cooed at how gorgeous and grown up she looked. She even went as far as to say it could be her last Christmas at home. Jess laughed, shook her head and assured her mum that she would always be home for Christmas.

Jess enjoyed the Queen's speech every year too. She always felt a sense of pride knowing that Britain was one of few countries to have a monarchy. Although this year Her Majesty was expressing her dearest sympathies to the victims of various disasters that had occurred around the world during the past year, which filled Jess with sadness.

On the evening came the big Christmas specials everyone had been waiting for. Eastenders, Doctor Who, The Royle Family and The Vicar of Dibley. Jess wasn't really interested but watched them anyway, laughing occasionally at jokes she understood or when someone fell over.

She thanked her parents for a lovely day and for her presents before hurrying off to bed.

* * *

 

The Bails arrived just before ten the following morning. Jess led Hannah upstairs to put her bags down, grabbed her present from under her bed, then settled on the floor in the lounge with a glass of orange juice ready for the gift exchange. Debby was waffling about how they'd had friends over the day before and about Hannah not wanting to stay home with her friends for New Year. When Jess glanced at Hannah, the look on her face showed a little disappointment mixed with enthusiasm at the prospect of staying over with her.

Her expression brightened even more when she opened Jess' present.

"Aww thanks, Jess, this is fantastic I really wanted some purple shoes!" she exclaimed, enveloping her into a brief hug. "And as for the pyjamas I was in real need of some new ones and the hat goes without saying!" she said, nodding to the white world beyond the windows. "Okay, now for your present."

She handed Jess two similarly sized boxes and a wrapped parcel. Jess opened the wrapped present first to find five 500g bars of her favourite chocolate, _Galaxy_.

"Oooh, thanks!" she squealed.

The bigger of the two boxes contained two books, Pride and Prejudice and Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging.

"Now  _that_  is a book series that's essential for every teenage girl to read." Hannah smiled, pointing at the latter. "And you can't love Wuthering Heights and not read Pride and Prejudice."

The last box was merely a ruse (although Jess was certain she'd put it to good use in her room as it was beautifully decorated) as inside was an envelope. Intrigued, Jess fumbled with the sellotape seal and took out the card. She wasn't one for giving cards as she didn't agree with the principle; it was just a waste of paper when she could just text or call someone to say happy Christmas.

But the card wasn't the object of prize. It was what was concealed inside.  
A cheque for £300. Jess's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Half's from mum and dad, half is from me. I figured you could use it to buy some more, shall we say, practical clothes for University?" she winked with a knowing smile. "You have a good nine months. Say it's a house warming present? You can get more make-up, stationery etcetera too, but mainly clothes!"

Jess knew she probably should have been offended by Hannah's motive but couldn't stop grinning and fully appreciated the thought. She was just making an effort to look out for her. A very  _big_  effort that would involve Jess doing  _a lot_  of shopping!

"I can't wait to get started!" Jess gushed, giving Hannah a hug, then Debby and Mark. "Oh my gosh, thank you!"

"You're very welcome Jess," Debby beamed. "We're really looking forward to having you, you really are quite something!"

Jess was momentarily confused before the obvious clicked. She'd never even thought about accommodation issues.

"You didn't think I'd be staying on campus with my house around the corner did you?" Hannah asked incredulously. "We have the spare bedroom next door to mine that you can have permanently. The deal was pretty much done as soon as you first stepped through the door!"

Jess was impressed at the enormity of the plan and realised it had been arranged for months. No wonder her mum had pushed at the weekend away. Not only was its purpose for her to talk to Hannah about Cambridge, but it really  _was_  meant for them to bond with each other as they'd be in close proximity for the next three years.

And it had gone perfectly.

Jess was overwhelmed. This whole thing was solid. Serious. Definitely happening. She felt like she was going to hyperventilate.

"How does 'Jessica Bails' sound?" Mark joked and everyone burst into laughter.

Jess looked at her mum and dad, immediately ready to protest but their expressions instantly told her she didn't need to worry. She didn't bother to suppress the grin that took hold.   
  
This was sure to be a favourite Monday she would never forget!

* * *

 

As well as Christmas, Jess also loved the countdown to New Year. Just like Mondays, the New Year was a fresh start. An opportunity to think about life differently and make creative resolutions – though the odd few  _sometimes_  failed! Like when two years ago she'd been determined to help a neighbour decorate a room in their house but had ended up covered from head-to-toe in paint and the neighbour had needed two windows replaced and the lights re-wired. She hadn't attempted to carry a ladder since...

But 2006 would be different, Jess assured herself. This year she was going to University, a _top_  University to study a subject she loved. She was going to become Hannah's younger sister temporarily and was going to make lots of new friends.

Hopefully.

Jess still couldn't believe it and doubted she would until she began her first semester. It was just surreal.  _Her. Jess Parker. At University. Aged 14._

What?!

And where would it go from there? What would happen when she graduated? She had to stop herself smiling as she remembered Millie's comment:  
_"You could end up in special ops or something governmental. If they even recruit teens like they do in the movies..."_

Jess couldn't help but think that was how she felt. Like a teenager in a movie.

But this was reality.  
Cruel, ignorant reality where nothing like that ever happened. But she could dream every now and then though right?

After all, New Year was all about dreams. Jess was optimistic and wasn't going to let any negative thoughts bring her down. Which was why she was bouncing with excitement when the final countdown came as they assembled themselves in front of the television.

"TEN, NINE…"

Her mum and dad made their glasses of wine collide with a tuneful clink.

"EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX…"

Debby and Mark stood ready, hooters in their mouths ready to blow.

"FIVE, FOUR…"

Jess and Hannah raised their party poppers into the air ready to fire.

"THREE, TWO, ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The air was full of a sudden burst of noise as fireworks went off both outside and on the television screen, their beautiful colours reaching high into the empty expanse of the London sky. People cheered and whooped welcoming the New Year with open arms. Couples were kissing and families were hugging.

Jess felt tears well up in her eyes. Seeing everyone so happy always made her emotional. They stood in silence as they watched the terrific firework display over the Thames and applauded along with the crowd along the embankment when it finished.

Then came the hugs and kisses from everyone with many 'Happy New Year's. More nibbles were placed on the coffee table and more alcohol administered. Chinese lanterns were set off in the garden and music was played well into the morning. Jess and Hannah didn't crawl into bed until gone four.

"Best New Year's,  _ever!_ " Jess exclaimed breathlessly, returning from the bathroom.

"Definitely!" Hannah agreed. "Hope it's a good one Jess, you deserve it. Goodnight."

"Thanks, hope yours is too. Night!"

As Hannah seemingly fell asleep, Jess lay awake for a while reliving her highlights of the past year. Most of them had occurred within the last month which seemed surreal. But it had meant that she'd ended the year on a total high.

And that was the best Christmas present she could ask for!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That favourite Monday thing of mine was an added bonus, I checked the dates and Boxing Day 2005 was actually a Monday, BOOM!


	6. Final Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance for the cheese in this chapter but surely every school leaving party is the same? Some plot will begin to show itself from now on, I swear!

Summer rolled around sooner than Jess expected. It was now just three months until she was to begin her first year at University, three months until she was to begin the rest of her life. But there was still plenty to do. She had almost completed her IT qualifications with only the last half of the final unit left. She had her college application to fill out and send off and her room in Cherry Hinton to decorate, though she guessed the latter would get done during the holidays.

By now the secret was out at her school. Mrs Fink had tried not to make a big deal of it, though Jess thought her a hypocrite as she announced it in the whole school assembly before the Easter Holidays and then again before May half term. She'd made the local press a few times as a result but the school and her parents had fought hard to keep it out of the national papers.

People's reactions were what Jess had expected but really didn't want.  
Suddenly everyone wanted to be her friend.

Walking down the corridors with Millie, Jess would get people nodding in her direction, whispering to each other, pointing. Even the occasional 'Hi Jess!'  
Gangs of girls several years older than her - who'd never talk to her otherwise - came up to her asking if she'd like to join them for dinner.

Jess always refused. As much as she enjoyed people finally showing her attention, she knew it was only because she was a minor celebrity within the school and it was a top priority of many students to get in with the popular crowd.

The only two people she accepted company off were Millie and Ben.

Since their acquaintance before Christmas, Jess had struck up a friendship with Ben that she hoped would carry on into the next stage on her life. He had turned out to be another best friend. They spent a lot of time together; talking, laughing and Ben had even taken her stargazing a couple of times just for the fun of it. They'd also been on several dates together to the cinema, both with Millie and alone. Given they only had one common interest, Jess was surprised Ben chose to be so friendly to her, being two years older than her and having many friends of his own.

They'd fallen out once, over the Easter Holidays. Ben had let the jealousy get the better of him following the announcement to the whole school, even though he already knew, and had been rude to her. Then he'd made it out to be Jess's fault. He'd refused to talk to her, to see her, to even text her. Luckily, Jess had been away for most of the holidays for Hannah's eighteenth - they'd jetted off to Malaga for ten days then had come home to a humongous house party. Jess was quite proud at managing to stay sober.

But the day they'd returned to school, Ben apologised saying he was sore at having to let her go. He felt they'd only just got to know each other. It was such a clichéd scenario Jess was half expecting him to kiss her.

But he didn't.

They both knew they didn't feel that way about each other. So she joked that she'd visit at least once a year and added that she'd see him again in two years after he finished sixth form, and that was their argument sealed.

Mr Selby had made arrangements for Jess to attend another taster day at Cambridge, this one being for students she'd be with in September. It'd taken place mid-May and Jess had enjoyed it even more than the Year 11 one the previous year. She'd met her classmates who'd been perfectly courteous and accepting of her despite her age. She'd met up with Hannah and Tom for lunch, who were there for their respective courses. And of course, she'd had time to fiddle around with the variety of technologies that she'd be engaging with in the coming years.

Computer Science involved a  _lot_  more than simply knowing the parts and how they worked!

* * *

 

As the final two weeks of school began to draw to a close it dawned on Jess that it would be the last time she would walk down its corridors, climb its stairs, smell its freshly painted walls and the polish on the floor. It felt weird, but Jess was also quite anxious to leave and start a fresh.

She surprised herself sometimes at how much she felt ready and how much she wanted it. Now that it was definitely set in stone, her determination and excitement had flown through the roof. She often chewed over the many meetings that had happened since New Year.

First the one with Mr Selby and her parents about the opportunity that had arisen for her - the IT teacher giving them a lecture on how Jess's ability guaranteed a promising future. The second in February was to organise a date and time for an interview at the University. Then the big one in March with the Cambridge IT tutor, the Head, her parents, Mr Selby and herself. The official invitation had been handed over, paperwork filled in and general information given out.

And finally, the interview itself which took place at the end of April, even though she knew she had a place secured, Jess had still attempted to sell herself. The interviewer asked her to talk about her hobbies and, more importantly, her knowledge and love of technology which was why she was there. She'd also been asked about how she'd cope going to University so young, and what skills she possessed that would prove valuable, to which she'd replied excellent organisation, and strong determination to do her best when faced with a challenge. This was followed by a Thinking Skills Assessment which she had sailed through.

The whole thing had happened so fast, in less than a year. This time last year she would never have thought she'd be doing such a thing.  _Cambridge University at fourteen!_  It still blew her mind.

On the final day, despite Jess's persistent refusal, Mrs Fink organised a disco in the Hall as a leaving party for her. Nibbles – including lots of chocolate! – were laid out on tables at the back along with a selection of soft drinks and punch. A DJ was up on the stage blasting out a selection of Jess's favourite songs, and everyone was dancing either with her or around her.

She lived for parties and dancing, even if it was a just small school disco!  
Being an emotional person, Jess was in tears when the DJ announced the last song of the afternoon from a piece of paper.

"Alright, now this last song is dedicated especially to you Jess from all us here at Whitton. We wish you all the best for the future kid, have a good one! This is Smile Like You Mean It by The Killers."

Students around her whooped and cheered as Jess wiped her eyes. Then as the music began to play, she joined in with the jumping crowd, bellowing out the chorus at the top of her voice and laughing. Then Millie was at her side and they joined hands for a brief partnered boogie together. When the song came to an end Jess was swamped by hugs and battered by shoulder slaps with many good luck wishes. She was even swept off her feet by two year 10 boys who sat her on their shoulders.

The lights came on and Mrs Fink ascended the stairs of the stage and walked up to the DJ's microphone. Jess was placed back on the ground and the Hall gradually became silent.

"Just a few quick words before I let you all go for the summer. Thank you all for your hard work this year and I hope you can keep it up next term. A brief thanks to our DJ, Mr Smith, aka DJ Square and to the boys and girls who helped set this up."

There was a brief round of applause before she continued. "Now, I'd like to invite the star of the show up here. Jess where are you?"

Jess made her way up to the stage to more applause and cheers, blushing furiously at the thought of addressing everyone.

"Now as you're all very much aware, Jess Parker has been given the amazing opportunity to study Computer Science at Cambridge University this year. We've got a little gift for you Jess to say good luck for whatever the future may bring you, Mr Selby if you'd please?"

Mr Selby appeared on the stage holding a large gift bag, which he opened before handing it to her. Jess's jaw dropped to the floor, for inside the bag was a box. But not any box. It was a brand new Apple MacBook, globally released only a few months previous.

"But…" Jess began.

"It's your leaving present. And I think we can all agree that you will  _definitely_  use it!" Mr Selby said, before allowing Jess to throw her arms around him.

"Thank you so much!" she said breathlessly.

"Do you want to say a few words?" Mrs Fink pointed to the microphone.

"Okay!" she replied stepping up, not needing to alter the microphone's height as her heeled boots made her tall enough to speak straight into it. "Thank you for the party this afternoon, it was amazing I really loved it! And thank you to the teachers for helping me over the past few months and making this whole thing possible. I'm going to miss this place and all of you, even though I don't know many of you that well. But students are what make school alive and such a laugh, and I've had a lot of those. So, I hope you all get what you want out of your futures, don't let anything hold you back! Thanks." She added awkwardly as she stepped away.

The Head stepped back up. "Have a great summer everyone, and stay safe!"

With one last round of applause and a few scattered cheers, the crowd began to make its way out of the Hall. Millie was waiting for Jess at the bottom of the stairs and enveloped her in a massive hug when she reached her. When she pulled away, there were tears streaming down Millie's cheeks and Jess felt her own were once again wet.

Jess was really going to miss her. She'd only be barely an hour away but that was far enough. It didn't seem fair to leave her on her own but she had too.

"Skype me every night, text me every day and I'll visit once a month if not every week, yeah?" Jess asked, grinning.

"Of course! But you've gotta give yourself some time to socialize over there, Jess. And every week? It's miles away!"

She was trying to be confident, but there was a sadness underneath her tone. Jess put an arm around her shoulder as they walked back to the Maths classroom where they'd left their bags.

"It's not miles away, it's not even a two hour drive! Right, you're sleeping at mine tonight." Jess decided firmly. "We need a girls night in!"

Jess didn't like the look on Millie's face, but let it slide. They were both in need of some cheering up. After all, they had her brand new laptop to explore!

* * *

 

The look on her mum and dad's faces when Jess showed them her prize was priceless.

"They got you  _this_  as a leaving present?" her dad asked incredulously. "What happened to a sneaky biscuit from the staff room?"

Jess beamed. "I know, right! I wouldn't imagine they give everyone who leaves a laptop though but my case  _is_  pretty special, so I think it's pretty neat!"

"Well, who's complaining? Certainly saves your mum and I a hell of a lot of money!"

"You were going to get me one anyway?" Jess didn't know whether to feel guilty or overjoyed.

"Of course we were! The current one is awfully slow even with the technical stuff you do with it, and it would have to stay with us anyway so it made sense to get you your own. But that means we can do something else instead."

"Oooh, like what?"

This time her mum replied. "A holiday. Just the three of us. Money's going to be slightly tight over the next few years with your tuition fees, so we can't risk anything too big, how about a week away up north in the Lakes or something?"

"I'd love that!" Jess replied honestly, hugging both her parents. She didn't mind in the least that it wasn't anywhere further afield. All she wanted was to spend as much time with them as she could before she left in the autumn.

"You two go upstairs and we'll get tea sorted. The Chinese is closed today for refurbishment I'm afraid but are you both okay with a few pizzas and fries?"

"Yeah," Jess and Millie replied simultaneously.

* * *

 

"Millie, is everything okay? You don't seem yourself tonight."

Jess couldn't prolong the question any longer. She'd noticed Millie had been quiet all day, but put that down to it being their final day at school together. However during the evening when they'd been painting each other's nails, watching chick-flicks and eating pizza, Jess noticed that all conversation had been one-sided and needed to get to the bottom of it.

Millie didn't answer straight away, but the look on her face told Jess she knew she'd been caught. "It's been a bit of an emotional day, that's all."

That was not a satisfactory explanation so Jess tried again. "Do you want to talk about it? I'm going to miss you too if that helps."

Jess realised too late that that was in fact the wrong thing to say as Millie instantly burst into tears. She put a comforting arm around her best friend but said person hooked both hers around Jess and clung on like a toddler to its mother. "Hey, it's alright. I'm barely fifty miles away; we'll see each other  _loads!_ "

"No," came Millie's muffled voice through her tears followed by a sniff.

"What do you mean?" she asked, starting to feel a little worried.

Millie finally extracted her arms from around Jess, looking her squarely in the eyes. Jess knew half a second before she spoke what she was going to say, but nevertheless she couldn't stop the tears that began to flow from her own eyes.

"I'm moving away. Mum's accepted a job in America, and we leave next Friday."


	7. First Day Flushes

Jess stayed put during Fresher’s week. Hannah had tried to talk her into it but she didn’t see the point. She was too young to drink and even her cousin had admitted that there was nearly a hundred per cent chance she’d come home drunk. It was what Fresher’s was all about, apparently. Partying, drinking and socializing with new people.  
  
Jess didn’t see what was wrong in just having a meal out at the local pub before remembering she was fourteen and being incredibly naïve. She was with the big kids now, all at the peak of their teenage years. Of course they’d take every opportunity to live it out before they entered the wide world of the unknown.  
  
Whereas hers had only just begun…  
  
It made her head ache at the sudden revelation of how difficult the next few years were really going to be. So whenever Jess found she had time to herself while Hannah was out, she either Skyped Millie who was living it up in California, read books or fiddled with her laptop.  
  
Contacting her best friend couldn’t happen as much as she liked due to the huge time difference. As California was eight hours behind, Jess could only get through to Millie around 4 o’clock in the afternoon when it was just 8 o’clock in the morning over there. Due to this conflicting with Millie getting herself off to school, Jess waited for her best friend to find the appropriate time to contact her first, which had worked out approximately 4.15pm (or 8.15am to Millie) when she was walking to get the bus.  
  
The weekends were thankfully a lot kinder to them so they were able to have much longer conversations as if they were in the same room together.

Thank goodness for modern technology!  
  
On the first morning Jess was up bright and early to ensure she’d be ready in plenty of time. Her first lecture wasn’t until 10am, nevertheless she wanted to reorganise her bag, take a shower and catch the right bus at the right time.  
  
Still in her pyjamas she crept downstairs as quietly as she could, trying to not wake Hannah. She wasn’t due on campus until two that afternoon, but had offered to walk Jess to the bus stop just after nine, and Jess didn’t want to wake her earlier than was needed.

Once in the kitchen, she busied about fetching crockery and cereals out of the cupboards.  
  
Her mother’s sister’s house in Cherry Hinton already felt like home and she’d only moved in a week previously to get used to things. She’d practically brought her entire bedroom with her, minus the furniture. Her shoe collection wasn’t big enough to fit inside the spare wardrobe so Mark had bought her several shoe racks to place the rest on –and any future pairs!  
  
Her new room was pretty much the same as back home in London, a neutral cream colour underneath covered in many fashion magazine cut outs and posters of her favourite pop artists. It had taken nearly three days to completely make the room Jess’s, as having so many clothes, shoes and other possessions had not made it possible to accomplish in one journey.  
  
Breakfast ready, she grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned on the news, just to break the silence. She wasn’t the first one up as Debby had already left for work. As Jess retreated to the kitchen counter to eat her breakfast, she found a note from her aunt,(Debby wasn’t technically her aunt, but as she called Hannah her cousin it just felt right. Her mum and Debby were practically sisters now anyway given the recent events) along with two ten pound notes and a bar of chocolate.

 

* * *

 

  _Morning girls, today’s THE day!_  
  
I hope everything goes well, you’ll have to spill the goss as soon as I get home! I’ve left some lunch money out here for you both, although if you prefer to take something with you that’s absolutely fine.

_Hannah, PLEASE make sure you look after Jess. I know you will but as a concerned parent it’s my job to remind you anyway. The bus is at 9.23, and make sure you keep in contact with her. And of course, make sure you get yourself there on time too. Your bus is 13.23 unless you want to go any earlier._

_And Jess, don’t panic or get yourself too stressed, just enjoy the experience!_

_Remember your epi pen, the university have a supply on hand for you but your parents will kill me if I ever forget to remind you. There is also some chocolate here for you, I thought it might help to calm any first-day nerves. Be careful if you’re wearing heels, I’d rather not be called out to the hospital today!_

_Good luck and have fun!  
Lots of love_

_Mum_

_xxx_

* * *

 

Jess smiled as she finished reading, put her bowl in the dishwasher then crept back to her room to get showered, dressed and sort her stuff out for the day ahead.  
  
Regarding todays outfit, Jess decided to play it safe with black leggings, a green smock top and polka-dot converse. She dried and straightened her hair, added a polka-dot headband to match and blow dried her fringe into shape. She was applying her make-up in the bathroom when Hannah walked in.  
  
“Morning,” she said groggily, stretching and squinting at the sudden light of the room.  
  
“Morning! Did you sleep okay? I hope I didn’t wake you,” Jess replied cheerily.  
  
“No don’t be silly, you’ve been as quiet as a mouse. How long have we got?”  
  
Jess ran out of the bathroom to check the digital clock beside her bed before sprinting back. “You got just over half an hour before we need to leave. Well forty-three minutes, as I want to be out of here at ten past nine.”  
  
“Ahh.” Jess tried hard to supress a laugh at the panicked look on her cousin’s face.  
  
“You’re totally gonna have to get used to getting up early,” she chuckled. “Normally I’d be kind and say go back to bed but I really need your help, so if you wouldn’t mind I’d suggest you get moving now.”  
  
Hannah gave her a friendly swat as she marched out, then a second later marched straight back in, hands on her hips. “Actually if _you_ don’t mind, I’d like to use the loo?”  
  
As Jess headed to her room to repack her bag, Hannah called out, “Oh, Jess? Had a text from Tom this morning, he’s in at ten too so he’s offered to have dinner with you if that’s alright?”

“Yeah,” she replied, then a thought struck her. “Has he got my number?”  
  
A split second silence. “He has now!”

* * *

****_  
_Jess didn’t enjoy her first lecture as much as she’d hoped. Despite finding it totally engaging and interesting, she’d struggled to keep up with the note-making. The female lecturer, Shelley, talked so fast Jess had had to sacrifice her handwriting to get as much down as she could, and felt rude for not being able to look at her for the majority for her eyes were focused on the ink transferring words on the paper.  
  
When they were dismissed two hours later Jess took a minute to slump back in her chair with a sigh of relief, contemplating what lay ahead. She checked her mobile to find a message waiting from Tom saying he was waiting for her outside; she grabbed her bag and hurried out.  
  
She did so with such speed that she collided with him as she pushed open the door causing him to fall backwards onto the floor with a groan. Jess had to hang on to the door to prevent gravity pulling her atop him.  
  
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! Are you okay?” she asked, flying to his side to help him up. He accepted her hand and sprung up.  
  
“No worries. I was about to open the door myself to check you hadn’t come out yet. Had fun?”  
  
“Yeah actually, although it was hard to keep up with the speaker. I doubt I’ll be able to read my notes back! I enjoyed it though, very interesting. But I can’t wait for my practical lesson this afternoon!” She was rambling, in shock from crashing full on into him. Accidentally maybe, but nevertheless she was flustered. Thankfully Tom didn’t appear to notice.  
  
“What are your thoughts on lunch? I mean anything in particular you’re after?”  
  
“Nah, I’ll just have whatever. I have some chocolate in my bag so I don’t need to worry about finding any. I’d prefer something cold as I think Debby’s doing lasagne for tea so…” she trailed off, realising she was yet again rambling. She mentally shook herself, what was wrong with her?  “Sorry,” she added nervously.  
  
Tom however just smiled, “How about we find to a café or something and have a sandwich and coffee, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
They walked in silence, Jess fighting to compose herself in an attempt to cool her flushed cheeks. Luckily there was a café just around the corner and Jess sank gratefully into a seat as Tom went to order. When he asked her what she wanted she’d specified frothy coffee and a BLT, thinking she needed something filling to get rid of the butterflies in her stomach.  
  
She wasn’t sure what brought them on, whether it was nerves for the afternoon seminar or sheer embarrassment at what had just happened. But as soon as Tom returned with their lunch, her cheeks flushed again with the answer: sheer embarrassment. She decided to diffuse the awkwardness by engaging in conversation as they ate.  
  
“So, what did you get up to this morning?”  
  
She saw a look of relief pass over his face as if he’d been looking for a starter himself, before replying. “I had an hour lesson this morning. Well it wasn’t really a lesson, more of a tour of the whole department. It was great though, we went round the museum of specimens they have here which is huge and that was thrilling.”  
  
“Do you have a favourite?”  
  
“Well they didn’t exactly have any tigers or giraffes, so I guess the insects. Such a variety of sizes and colours in glass jars for room after room, it was a bit weird but pretty cool!”  
  
Jess shivered involuntarily and Tom noticed. “Hmm, I’ve heard you’re not an insect fan,” he chuckled.   
  
“It’s a little more than that,” she chagrined.  
  
“So I’ve heard. They’re not very often though?” he asked, looking quite worried. Jess understood what he was referring to.  
  
“Oh, no,” she reassured him. “I always have an epi-pen with me just in case though. It’s never too serious; the worst I’ve had is a panic attack when I was twelve and I fainted. I was all hot and sweaty from hiking which didn’t help but my dad gave me my injection and I was fine within a few hours. He had to carry me off the hill once I’d woken though as we were too far from help but yeah…” she finished awkwardly with a brief smile.  
  
Tom looked concerned but relieved that she’d been okay. But he had other questions on his mind. “Hiking?”  
  
Jess blushed again. Was it really that unusual for a girl to go walking with her parents? “Yeah, family holidays and such. My dad’s a sucker for the outdoors but my mum loves the spa. I’m not normally one for getting dirty but I got to spend some quality time with my dad so I didn’t mind much.”  
  
“You don’t strike me as someone who loves the great outdoors, haha.”  
  
She gave him a friendly punch on the arm, grinning. “Hey!” She took a sip of her coffee and asked, “So what have you got this afternoon then?”  
  
“I have a lecture this afternoon until 3pm, then that’s me finished. Me and the boys are going shopping later, it’s mine and Ed’s turn to cook tonight. I think we’ll be doing a simple pasta dish with sauce from a packet. I can’t stand pot noodles.”  
  
Jess raised an eyebrow at his seeming inability to cook but caught his eye and laughed. He followed suit and the awkwardness finally evaporated.  
  
Unlike her and Hannah, Tom actually stayed on campus. He was enrolled in Downing College whereas they were next door at Pembroke. Tom’s parents lived on the outskirts of Cherry Hinton, but he had insisted on getting the ‘full experience’ and so far appeared satisfied.  
  
“So if I hike from time to time, do you have any secret ‘girly’ interests?” Jess teased.  
  
“I didn’t mean it like _that,_ ” he replied defensively. “I just didn’t expect it from _you_ that’s all.”  
  
“Don’t judge a book by its cover! I may appear a girl in every visual aspect but I can be quite authoritative like a man when I get the chance to,” she said, snorting at her own words.  
  
“Oh?” he sat back with his arms folded, one eyebrow cocked in a ‘try me’ attitude.  
  
Jess rolled her eyes, ignoring him. “So do you collect stickers, or pick out shapes from clouds, or keep a scrapbook?” she asked.  
  
Tom grinned, knowing she was exaggerating and obviously joking. But then his grin fell to a slight smile and he glanced around before leaving forward. “I read books.”  
  
“And so does the General of the manliest army in Afghanistan,” she brushed off. “What’s wrong with that? Everyone reads books!”  
  
“But I’m a boy, yeah? My boys live and breathe sport, they don’t have time for books! Yeah, I enjoy the odd kick about or cricket match, but it’s not my favourite pastime.”  
  
Jess realised he was actually being serious. She didn’t really know what to do. She’d never given advice to a boy before, let alone a grown up teenager four years older than her. Ben Hammond had been her friend yeah, but they’d never discussed anything personal enough to require advice from one another…

She decided to give it her best shot.  
  
“Look, Tom, who cares what you’re interests are. It wouldn’t matter if you collected cuddly teddy bears or flew gliders in the cadets, they’re what make you _you_. You shouldn’t change what you’re into just because people around you don’t approve, as that’ll lower your defences and once you’ve done that things will just get worse.”  
  
He hadn’t looked her in the eye as she’d just spoken, but now he did and Jess saw a serious look in his face. She wandered if he ever talked to Hannah about such petty worries.  
  
Jess glanced down at her phone for the time, it was nearly one. Hannah had text her to say she was on her way and informed Tom.  
  
He nodded, and then looked down at his own watch. “I’ve gotta go,” he announced. “Thanks Jess, see you soon, yeah?”  
  
Jess watched him leave, then picked up her bag and made for the library.

It was only when she’d seated herself in front of a laptop on the second floor that she realised she’d never paid for her lunch.


	8. Birthday Celebrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Contains underage drinking.

Things got easier for Jess as the weeks passed. She managed to stay on top of all work she was set, staying top of their class of six, and had made a good friend in Carrie Foster, a Yorkshire girl in her practical seminars and Wednesday and Saturday lectures. Carrie was very sweet and sometimes accompanied Jess to lunch, or invited her to hang out with her friends in their flat.  
  
As the autumn season intensified during October Jess delighted in walking around the city, the streets littered with amber and crimson leaves from the trees. As November neared, the temperature began to cool to the point where Debby refused to let the girls venture from the house without their legs, or indeed whole bodies, sufficiently covered.  
  
On Halloween night, Debby and Mark went to a party at a friend’s round the corner. Jess stayed at the house with Hannah to answer the door to trick-or-treaters. She’d bought a glow in the dark cartoon spider tee at the weekend to wear especially for the evening with her leopard-print pyjama bottoms. The kids ooohd and ahhd at her ‘costume’ and she in turn played along pretending to be scared by the variety of costumes.  
  
As November sprung into existence, Jess was faced with her first set of deadlines. She had a practical assessment to prepare for and a five-thousand word essay due for the end of the month. And then there was her birthday.  
  
Friday November 17th rolled around insanely quickly. Plans were made to for Jess to go home for the weekend to be with her parents and Jess began packing a few days in advance. She’d have a birthday meal on the Thursday night with her surrogate family, then Mark and Hannah would take Jess back to Twickenham Friday afternoon after her last class.  
  
It was the first time Jess had been home since the beginning of September and she had been starting to miss her own home, her bedroom and her parents. She would only be there two days but Jess was looking forward to it all the same, even if it meant missing her Saturday lecture!  
  
She embraced her parents fiercely when they opened the door and began to babble about anything and everything over wine and chocolates in the lounge. Then her mum left the room and returned with a bag of wrapped birthday gifts which Jess opened eagerly whilst eating birthday cake. She received new outfits, accessories and chocolates from friends, family friends and there was even a parcel of American sweeties and a letter from Millie, which instructed Jess to call her at 8.30pm sharp (equating to midday over in California) that night or risk permanent contact silence in the future. Knowing she was obviously teasing she obeyed Millie’s request anyway, her dad had insisted regardless of the bill, and the pair talked for hours. It had been a while since they’d had a proper long-length conversation and Jess intended to take full advantage.  
  
The next day Jess slept in blissfully until after ten. Her parents didn’t wake her which she was grateful for, but felt guilty all the same. When she went down for breakfast, her dad was at the stove frying sausages and bacon, while her mum was in the lounge watching the news.  
  
“Morning, birthday girl!” her dad chirped, walking away from the stove to hug and kiss his daughter.  
  
Jess frowned. “It was my birthday yesterday.”  
  
“That doesn’t mean we can’t still celebrate!” he said, gesturing to the stove behind him, grinning, “A birthday fry-up for my special girl, followed by a day shopping in the city, dinner in some posh restaurant your mother’s booked and _then_ The Sound of Music at the Palladium tonight!”  
  
Jess was momentarily speechless. “Are you serious?”  
  
“No, sorry. Just a day stuck inside playing board games in such lovely weather,” he replied flatly, but the smile playing on his mouth gave it away.  
  
She hugged her father again with a loud squeal. “Oooh, thank you, thank you, thank you!”  
  
“What’s all the noise in here?” her mum inquired as she entered the room. Jess bowled into her, making her almost drop the cup she was holding. “Whoa, Jess!”  
  
Jess released her. “Sorry, Dad just told me the plan and I got a bit excited…” she said, biting her lip apologetically.  
  
“No worries. It was the least we could do for both your birthday and for making us so proud!” she gushed, pulling Jess back into a hug, kissing her forehead. Jess wrinkled her nose up in embarrassment.  
  
“So when do we go?” she asked excitedly.  
  
Her dad looked at the clock on the oven. “Give you an hour and a half? You’ll need to choose a special outfit as we’re not coming back until after the show. Plus you need to eat your belated-birthday-breakfast, get showered, dressed, pick out the perfect shoes…”  
  
Jess beamed. Her dad knew her so well.

* * *

Jess returned home for the Christmas holidays, with the promise of being back in Cherry Hinton for New Year. She had minimal work to do as the key deadlines had passed, and to make things even better, Millie was back in the country to visit family in London, so Jess had her over to stay for six days.  
  
Her best friend told her about the group of friends she’d made at her high school, who all found her English cockney accent hilariously adorable. She showed her photos of her house, the surrounding neighbourhood and her new friends. She told Jess about the sci-fi society she was a member of which met once a month to watch a movie at the chosen host’s house, and that she had been December’s host and had chosen The Matrix. And she told how her spring break would be filled with sight-seeing, such as LA, Hollywood and San Francisco. All the while, Jess felt a pang of jealousy and sadness at Millie’s new found social life, but was delighted she was getting on well in her new surroundings.  
  
Christmas came and went, as did New Year with as much excitement as the previous year. Jess didn’t think she’d ever get tired of the jolly festive season.  
  
Once back on academic schedule, plans began into Tom’s birthday party. He had tried to persuade Jess to have a big bash for hers, but she’d refused. She may be the social type, but she hadn’t fancied being the centre of attention surrounded by drunken, intoxicated eighteen year olds. She’d rather leave it a few more years.  
  
The party was scheduled for his actual birthday, which was the 26th of February. Hannah was pleased she wanted to go but tried to warn her off but Jess was up for it. It would be her first Uni party and she wanted to go. Besides, it was at Tom’s accommodation so she’d be perfectly safe as it was on campus and there was no way she’d miss an opportunity to dance. Debby and Mark agreed to let her go but made Hannah swear she’d look after her and not leave her side. They also spoke to Tom, giving him a harsh reminder of Jess’s vulnerability and age.  
  
Hannah took Jess shopping the weekend before for a party dress. Her cousin bought a violet strapless cocktail dress with a ballerina inspired skirt. Jess however, went for a more modest navy floral print dress, which ended just above her knees, with matching navy slingback heels. Not as formal as Hannah, but it made her feel comfortable and modest.  
  
In their free time during the days leading up to the party, Jess and Hannah helped Tom sort things out. They decorated the flat with banners and streamers, Jess helped rig up a playlist of music to some wireless speakers and Hannah helped with snacks and alcohol. Tom’s flatmates agreed to help, but ended up merely standing around talking as the girls busied around.  
  
On the day, Debby picked her and Hannah up from their college after the completion of lessons and lectures and rushed them home to allow them time to get ready.  
  
Jess curled the ends of her hair and placed her phone, emergency money, an epi pen, tissues and lipstick in the clutch bag she’d borrowed from Hannah. When her cousin peeked in to see how she was doing, Jess noticed she’d even tanned her legs which she thought a tad over the top.  
  
“Fake tan. Really?” Jess asked bluntly. “It’s just a friendly party!”  
  
“Yeah, but they’ll be plenty of fit boys there too!” Hannah winked at her with a smile.  
  
“Is that the only reason you’re going?”  
  
“Nah, don’t be silly, Tom’s my best friend I gotta show up or I’ll look bad.”  
  
Jess just laughed. By the time Mark had whizzed them over to Pembroke, music was already blaring and people were milling around laughing and drinking.  
  
Tom met them at the door, holding a bottle of beer in his right hand. He kissed both girls on the cheek and welcomed them inside. Hannah immediately grabbed at some wine then went to join her four girlfriends cavorting in the kitchen. Jess helped herself to an alcopop and followed.  
  
One of the girls, Maisie, called over, “Hey, Hannah, great timing! We were just about to start with a round of shots.” She smiled, gesturing to six shot glasses on the counter, then added as she saw Jess, “Hey Jess, how you doing?”  
  
“Great, thanks!” Jess replied brightly, as she and Hannah joined them.  
  
“Come and join in with us, there’s a spare glass here.”  
  
The red head to Maisie’s left held up a bottle. “Tequila,” she said simply with a mischievous grin.  
  
“How many can you take?” Jess asked curiously.  
  
“I can stomach nine normally,” Maisie replied with a giggle. “But Han’s the champ, thirteen at the last count, am I right?”  
  
Jess was gobsmacked. “Surely the bottle’s not _that_ big?” she asked incredulously.  
  
Hannah just tapped the side of her nose. “Remember, you don’t have to join in if you don’t want to, Jess,” she said seriously.  
  
“Let her have some fun, Han!” the redhead replied.  
  
“Polly, she’s underage remember!”  
  
Jess felt her cheeks flush. “I’m game,” she assured them with a nod, placing her clutch bag defiantly on the counter top.  
  
All five girls cheered.  
  
Jess found the searing pain in her throat uncomfortable at first, she coughed and spluttered and felt hands smacking her back. But as she threw more back she began to enjoy it, it was somewhat thrilling and she found herself giggling and chatting with everyone. At some point, Tom and his friends had joined them to watch.  
  
She lost count after her seventh shot. She was having such a fun time, laughing, talking and dancing with Tom and Hannah’s friends. As they eventually took to the dance floor Jess was vaguely aware of the magic plastic cup she had in her hand which seemed to have the power of refilling itself whenever it became empty. The music thudded uncomfortably in her ears but all she could think about was dancing. She danced with anyone who offered her a hand and soon she was lost.  
  
After a while, she began to feel like everything around her seemed blurry and she wondered briefly when that had happened. Then she decided that she didn’t care as long as she could keep dancing.  
  
Suddenly she was stopped abruptly by two hands firmly gripping her shoulders and pouted in her frustration. But now she’d stopped dancing her eyes focused on the figure whose hands on her shoulders belonged to. It was Tom. She smiled up at him then frowned as she remembered he was the reason she’d stopped dancing.  
  
“I wanna dance!” she complained, her words slurred.  
  
He moved to stand beside her, one ice cold hand moving briefly to her forehead after removing the cup from her fingers, the other arm on the small of her back.  
  
“C’mon, I think you need some fresh air,” he half-yelled in her ear so she could hear him above the music as he guided her towards the front door.  
  
Despite her protests, once outside she welcomed the coolness of the February night, its subtle chill calming her inflamed cheeks she’d gained from the mixed effect of alcohol and dancing. However as they began walking down the street, Jess stumbling trying to keep her balance on her heels, she automatically hugged into Tom’s warmth, feeling safe.  
  
The last thing she could consciously remember was the two of them being joined by Mike and Ed as they walked on into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re now in Feb 2007 and there’s plenty more excitement to come! Jess is now 15, Tom is now 19 and Hannah’s 19th is soon to follow. But next, it’s back to the present and a slightly overprotective Becker, bless him. Anybody guess where this is heading? (A clue: Episode 5x04!)


	9. Delirium Remembered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a oneshot coming called ‘Complicated’ which is Hannah’s POV and basically her version of this chapter and explores her own relationship with Tom.

“Tequila and dancing...” Becker mused, not sounding in the least bit surprised, or shocked.

“How can that not surprise you? It was incredibly irresponsible!” Jess looked up at him feeling offended at the prospect of Becker thinking so low of her, and when he started to chuckle added, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, everyone remembers the cause of their first hangover,” he replied a little too casually. Jess wasn’t having it.

“No seriously, what’s so funny about what happened? You should be shocked. Mad at the very least!”

Becker realised he’d hurt her for he immediately became defensive. “I’d never expect you to do that. In fact, it’s the last thing I’d expect someone like you to do, Jess. It’s just funny because I’ve heard it before, and now I get the joke.”  
  
Jess tensed. He’d heard the story before… but from whom? She had never opened up to any of the team about her past, not even Abby and Connor who’d been her flatmates for almost two years.

As far as she knew anyway.

“You told me. During the beetle incursion,” Becker explained awkwardly, “which is certainly one I won’t be forgetting in a hurry. You were delirious and hallucinating about tigers and mentioned something about feeling worse than then when there had been Tequila and dancing involved.”

Now it made sense. She had no memory of telling Becker as what happened between the medical bay up to waking up in the panic room was a complete blank to her. Emily had given her some details of what she’d said, including the hallucinating about tigers, but nothing else.

“So what happened next?” he asked.

Jess cringed and squirmed under his reassuring squeeze. “Now this is where it gets awkward…” she trailed off, bracing herself before having to relive the bad memories. “Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Promise you won’t kill anybody?” she said, half-teasingly, half-serious.

“I promise, Jess,” he chuckled.

“Right. Okay, I got in trouble with the police and spent a night in a cell,” she said quickly, wincing as she felt Becker tense beneath her.

“Shit, Jess! What they hell did you do?” then added a second later, “What did he make you do? He didn’t hurt you did he?”

“Tom didn’t make me do anything. It was my fault; I hacked into the security system at the University Museum because his friends wanted to look inside. I was really drunk so was unable to think rationally about what I was actually doing. I snapped out of it when I was being shoved into a police car…”

“But you didn’t get punished?” Becker asked sceptically.

“Because if I did I wouldn’t be here, yeah I know,” she huffed. “It was covered up. Hannah had a theory – as a Law student so knew what the procedure would be, we all should have got two years, minimum! She told me how there was no way I should have gotten away without punishment. She had a theory that someone was on my back and didn’t want any trouble – I was a child prodigy for heaven’s sake!”

“How do you know it was covered up?”

“Lester told me after my interview when he told me I’d got the job. They’d had their eye on me from when I first went to the University for the taster day. Well, I say ‘they’, the ARC didn’t really exist then, but the government were scouting the top Universities for future useful allies. As a fourteen-year-old computer prodigy heading for Cambridge, I fit the bill. As a civilian, I needed a degree to be employed and no criminal record. So it was covered up.”

“They were obviously desperate for you then.”

Jess beamed up at him. “I know!”

Silence fell as Jess thought over what to say next, but Becker beat her to it. He kissed her head before squeezing her hand and asking softly, “You didn’t answer one of my questions. Did he hurt you Jess?”

“No! We were really good friends.”

“Jessica?” he growled.

She sighed. “He kissed me, okay! He’d never seen me do anything like I did, before, and he chatted me up. And maybe I kissed him back, but I was drunk and only fifteen years old, I couldn’t figure out whether I had feelings for him or not!”

“If you were drunk, he should have known better than to take advantage of you,” Becker said in a low voice, trying to control his anger. Jess raised herself up from his chest to look him in the eyes, one hand stroking his cheek reassuringly.

“It was a kiss, nothing else. Hannah told him to stay away from me after that which cost her their friendship. He tried to get her back but Hannah was too protective and didn’t want anything similar happening again. I never had feelings for him. I love you,” she said softly, kissing him passionately.

“Good.” He smiled, before kissing her again.

“The police might have kept the whole incident quiet, but that didn’t stop it from getting around. Tom and his friends blabbed. Well, his _friends_ blabbed but he defended me. Mike and Ed made it out to be my fault, that I was some sort of whore because I’d tried it on with all three of them once we were inside the museum. They were a popular bunch so I had a bad rep for a while. But then they both got into drugs and no-one believed them, and I was sweet and innocent computer geek Jess Parker again, who’d been wronged and not the other way round.”

“And Tom?”

“Well he was stuck in limbo for few months until Hannah’s birthday on April 7th,” she said with a sigh, reflecting on the memories. “Oh, now that was a truly brilliant day!”

“What happened?”

She grinned. “The Boat Race!”


	10. Rumours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight language warning for this chapter - lots of students being nasty and judgemental.

As soon as Mark stopped the car, Jess ran straight up to her room and didn’t move from her bed the entire weekend. She was angry and upset with herself for what had happened and couldn’t bear to speak to anyone. The only time she ventured from her self-made prison was to go to the bathroom. She couldn’t even bear to eat dinner with her surrogate family downstairs, as she didn’t want to face them. She felt like she’d betrayed them, overstayed her welcome.  
  
They’d done so much for her over the past year and what had she done to repay them? Got herself locked up in a police station for abusing her skills and they’d had to come and rescue her.  
  
She couldn’t believe the way she’d acted, and not just by showing off and gaining them illegal access to a University building. She’d kissed Tom. One of her closest friends. Hannah’s _best_ friend. Well, he’d actually kissed _her_ first but she’d enjoyed it and kissed him back. Not because she liked him, because she’d loved the attention; he’d been quite the charmer.  
  
Hannah came up every so often to check she was alright, sat on the edge of her bed, stroked her hair and talked to her soothingly, which only made her cry.  
  
Debby brought her food; a late breakfast in bed. Then an afternoon snack and dinner when they knew she wouldn’t appear. Mark brought her hot chocolate complete with whipped cream and marshmallows but Jess couldn’t bring herself to eat or drink. Instead she just picked and pushed the food around the plate with the fork and watched the cream deflate and melt into the hot sweet liquid.  
  
It wasn’t until late Saturday night that she realised she’d missed her morning lecture. She’d still been at the police station when it had started and hadn’t given it a second thought. That brought a fresh wave of despair to come crashing over her and she cried herself to sleep.  
  
On Sunday evening she finally pulled herself together to shower ready for the morning. She was done moping. It wasn’t going to do her any good. She needed to be strong, to take control and rise above the situation rather than let it drag her down into something inescapable.  
  
So, half an hour later, in her pyjamas and her wet tied up, she walked downstairs smiling to herself.  
  
 _Just be yourself._ She thought. Confident, cheery, and optimistic Jess Parker was back.  
  
As soon as she got to the kitchen, she hugged and apologised to Debby who was serving up her tea on her lap-tray ready to bring to her upstairs. Then she hugged Mark and thanked him for all he’d done for her over the weekend.  
  
Hannah, who was curled up on the sofa, came running over to her and hugged her fiercely. Once they’d ate altogether for the first time in four days, Jess and Hannah retreated upstairs to Hannah’s room and they talked until way past Jess’s usual bedtime.

 

* * *

 

The next day began smoother than Jess expected, brightening her mood. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary other than posters dotted around announcing the infamous University Boat Race. Jess took note that this year it was on Hannah’s birthday, meaning they’d couldn’t miss such an opportunity. But with no other distractions she was able to get on with her work and focus in her lectures. Being in a different College to Tom had its advantages.  
  
However in her 2pm practical session in the afternoon, Charlie demanded to speak to her outside of the room. She braced herself for a berating, as she fully deserved it. And he really went for it. He didn’t shout, but there was a dangerous tone to his voice as he spoke. He was angry at her, understandably; couldn’t understand what had led her to do such an irresponsible thing which was totally out of character for her.  
  
His tone softened slightly as he said he was angrier with the three boys than with her, but he was nevertheless disappointed.  
  
All the while she stood against the wall, eyes focused down on her star-patterned converse, biting her lip in an attempt to stop the tears.  
  
Then she was whisked away to see the Head of the College, Mr Johnson, who had the manager of the museum with him. She was asked to apologise – which didn’t take any forcing on her part – and promise that nothing such would ever happen again. Then her punishment was handed. She wasn’t being kicked out, or even suspended, she was just not allowed near the museum. She was also grounded from nights out on campus until further notice.  
  
“For your own safety,” Mr Johnson finished. She nodded and he sent her back to her lesson.  
  
As she retook her seat in front of her monitor, Carrie Foster asked if everything was okay, to which she nodded and simply replied with a brave smile, “Yeah.”  
  


* * *

 

The following day was hell. As was the rest of the week, and the whole of the following month.  
  
Tom, Mike and Ed had talked. Told everyone they knew and pretty much anyone who would listen. Downing College being just next door, rumours spread fast.  
  
Hannah accompanied her to her lecture even though she didn’t need to be there until the afternoon. Jess guessed that she’d found out from one of her friends and wasn’t leaving anything to chance. It comforted her knowing Hannah was by her side just for her sake, but it also made her nervous as to just what had happened to make her so on edge.  
  
She found out pretty much as soon as they’d entered the college building. People were looking at differently. Normally no one took any notice of her unless they knew her to say hi, but today _everyone_ was staring, muttering as they passed, some even bumping into her to show their distaste. Jess was confused.  
  
“Just ignore them,” Hannah said in her ear, arm around her shoulder as she escorted her through to the lecture theatre.  
  
Then as they passed a group of boys someone shouted, “Whore!”  
  
Then another shouted, “Slag!”  
  
A gang of girls walked towards them, one of them Jess recognised as Polly from Tom’s party. To her dismay, it was her that shouted, “Fucking sly bitch!” right in her face.  
  
“Shut your face, Pol. Fuck off!” Hannah shouted back. She then steered Jess off into some nearby toilets.  
  
So far Jess had been too stunned to react, but as soon as they were inside the safe haven of the isolated WC she leant against the wall and burst into tears.  
  
 _What had just happened?  
  
_ Hannah pulled her into an embrace and let her cry.  
  
“Shit, Jess, I am so sorry. Everything’s going to be okay, shh.”  
  
But was it all going to be okay? Most of the people who’d shouted at her hadn’t even been at the party and didn’t even know her, but now they were all suddenly against her. What had they all been told?  
  
“Why does everybody think I’m some kind of hooker?” she sobbed. “How can that have happened? It wasn’t anything like that!”  
  
“You’re not and you know you’re not. I suspect the boys are behind this, making up lies trying to get their own back on me for grassing them in. I mean it’s not like they were even _punished!_ But we won’t let them win, Jess, I won’t let them.”  
  
Jess pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I’ve got to go to my lecture. I don’t want to be late.”  
  
“Are you sure you want to go?” Hannah asked tentatively.  
  
Jess nodded. “I’ve got to. I can’t let them get to me,” she said confidently with a watery smile.  
  
“That’s my Jess!” her cousin said proudly, grabbing her hand and leading her back outside. “Text me as soon as you’re done, yeah?”  
  
“Yeah. See you, and thanks for…”  
  
“No worries. It’s going to be difficult, but we’ll get through it. See you later.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the week passed by much the same. Hannah never left Jess’s side until she was in class or to go off to her own lectures.  
  
Even Jess’s class of six, who’d been perfectly accepting and friendly to her before had suddenly grown hostile and suspicious. It got Jess so frustrated to the point where she blurted out one Thursday morning, “I’m not a hooker! Or a slag, or a whore or any other names you people decide to call me. All I did was hack into the security system. We were caught a few minutes afterwards, nothing else happened!”  
  
But she could tell from the looks on their faces that no one believed her. Even Carrie had retreated to the other side of the classroom so she wouldn’t be seen ‘fraternizing with the enemy’.  
  
“Well you certainly dress like one,” Jake Pearson remarked pointedly, and they all burst into laughter.  
  
Jess gritted her teeth to stop herself retaliating.  
  
“Hey, that’s enough!” Charlie shouted.  
  
But the seed of doubt had been planted into her mind. She’d tried to play modest as much as possible to avoid this exact accusation. Did everyone really think she dressed like a hooker?

 

* * *

 

The name-calling and false accusations were finally stopped mid-March upon the news that Edward Lutkin and Michael Dale had been admitted to hospital after a serious drug overdose. Tom was frantically retracing their destructive steps and telling everyone the rumours about Jess were untrue. As they knew Tom hadn’t been stupid enough to get involved in Mike and Ed’s drug-antics, Jess was instantly redeemed.  
  
Although Jess wanted to thank him for putting things right, Hannah refused to speak to him and Jess thought it unwise to break her trust.  
  
Now though, instead of being showered in nasty retorts everywhere they went, they were both pelted with guilt and apologies from people who’d thought badly of Jess.  
  
“I was stupid to ever doubt her.”  
  
“Those boys are idiots, as if we ever believed them.”  
  
“How dare they do such a thing!”  
  
All Hannah could do was smile with relief. “See, we beat them, Jess,” she said with a hug.  
  
“Are your birthday plans going to change now?” Jess teased.  
  
In the absence of friends, Hannah had decided to spend her birthday weekend in London with just her family, watching the Cambridge-Oxford Boat Race.   
  
They would travel down on the Friday night, stay in a hotel and then get up early on the Saturday morning to get a good place at the finish line of the race. Jess’s parents were going to join them which Jess was really looking forward to. They were aware of the party incident and how much trouble Jess had been close to being in. However, they’d actually admired her skill and honesty and they hadn’t been angry, just praised Hannah’s efforts at protecting her since.  
  
“Of course not,” Hannah beamed. “No-one gets my friendship back _that_ easily!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any of my readers who don’t know, The Boat Race is a UK tradition started back in 1829, and has been run annually since 1856. It’s a 4.2 mile rowing race down the stretch of the river Thames in West London from Putney to Mortlake. The two competing teams are the Cambridge University Boat Club and Oxford University Boat Club, and the race takes place either the last Saturday of March or first Saturday of April. As of 2018, Cambridge lead Oxford 83 wins to 80. This story was written back in 2013 and in 2007 (when this story is currently set), the race was held on Saturday April 7.


	11. The Boat Race

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably my favourite chapter to write, I had a lot of fun and got so into the action I’m a Cambridge supporter for life! I’ve changed the names of any crew members and coxes mentioned to be on the safe side. Commentators’ words are from a youtube clip of the race footage which belongs to ITV, I don’t own it.

The morning of April 7th dawned bright and sunny, with little wind and no chance of rain – perfect race conditions. Jess was incredibly excited and couldn’t wait to be caught up in the day’s events.  
  
Usually, she and her parents watched the race on TV at home, not particularly interested in the outcome although the drama was spectacular. But this year it meant something a little more special. Now that she was a student at Cambridge University, she actually had a team to support and cheer for, and she was certainly not going to let the opportunity pass!  
  
So before they’d made the journey down the afternoon before, Jess had bought a light grey University hoodie to wear with pride, showing everyone which team she was backing. She paired this with turquoise jeans for a nod towards the ‘Light Blues’ nickname of the Cambridge team.  
  
Hannah bought temporary tattoos of the Boat Race logo for them to sport on their faces. It was a fun way of getting into the spirit of the race and Jess was all for it.  
  
Although the race wasn’t scheduled to begin until 1630 that afternoon, they were at the finish line in front of Chiswick Bridge in Mortlake just after midday. Even then there were a significant amount of people there already, all eager to catch a glimpse of the dramatic final moment.  
  
Screens were being set up which would display the Live television coverage from the start line from 3pm, and speakers were dotted around to allow the patient supporters at the end to follow and hear the boats’ progress down the river.  
  
Mark got them Fish & Chips from a nearby concession stand and they sat on the grassy bank researching the final crew selections on Jess’s laptop before they were officially announced.  
  
There was only one rower from Pembroke in the Cambridge team, 29-year-old Kevin Whea. He’d won Gold in the 2000 Sydney Olympics, Gold at the 2002 Seville World Championships, and then Silver the year after in Milan. Jess was impressed; these men were no amateur rowers! The Cambridge cox was Rachel Dowin, 13th female to cox the team.  
  
Angela and Howard Parker joined them just before 3 o’clock. By then there were so many spectators, Jess had to duck and squeeze her way out from her position against the barrier to reach them. They would be standing further back with Debby and Mark for the race, not fond of being squished with the teenagers out at the front but nevertheless eager to watch the race.  
  
Once back in her position at the front with Hannah, everyone around them cheered for their respective teams as the line-ups were announced and Jess and Hannah cheered extra loudly as the Cambridge crew members walked out one by one.  
  
As the two boats were led to their start positions, the screens went over a run-through of the course, and everyone cheered again when it got to where they were at the finish. From the coin toss Cambridge had the Middlesex side on the right, meaning they would have the advantage of the final bend, a vital victory if they could hold their position.  
  
The umpire signalled and the race began.  
  
Immediately there was uproar of cheers and screams as everyone willed their chosen teams on. The boats were neck and neck until just before two minutes in when Oxford pulled in front after upping their speed to 40 strokes per minute. However, Cambridge pulled back level two minutes later.  
  
“Come on!” Jess shouted excitedly at the screen.  
  
 _“Rachel’s doing very well in the Cambridge boat there; she’s pushed Oxford right over to that left hand side. As I said before, Oxford do have the advantage of the inside of the bend but as they come up beside Harrod’s Depositary I think both crews are a long way over to that left-hand side; I think Cambridge are in the driving seat.”  
  
_ Despite the speakers amplifying the sound from the screens, the commentators could barely be heard over the roaring of the crowd.  
  
 _“Three punishing miles still to row. Bodies are asking why, minds have no answer but the spirit is willing, and the technique is metronomic, tirelessly rehearsed. Each stroke forensically broken down and built up again with the attention to detail of a Faldo golf swing: the outside shoulder, the inside shoulder, the core, the transfer of weight, the accuracy of the blade into the water, the commitment to length, clean catch, good finish. They’re absolutely level!”  
  
_ The boats were approaching the first major bend which would be in Oxford’s favour on the inside for the next mile and a half. Both teams were amazingly neck and neck still. But after just under seven minutes, Oxford pulled ahead by one third of a length just before Hammersmith Bridge.  
  
 _“This is turning into a good one! The underdogs have put in a shift here which has given them a chance. They’ve come round the outside of one bend, they now benefit from the inside of the next bend, and the pedigree in the Cambridge boat is gonna have to live up to reputation now.”  
  
_ Then seven and a half minutes in, Jess watched in horror as the boats moved so close to each other the oars were just narrowly avoiding collision; instead falling in rhythm between each other, expertly commandeered by the professional rowers.  
  
The umpire put out a warning to make the crews separate, which was immediately compiled and disaster was averted, Oxford pulling ahead once more.  
  
The cameras then moved to a shot of Rachel Dowin, the Cambridge cox, encouraging and directing the crew in rhythm with the strokes. _“Direct! Direct! Yeah you’re moving on them just with that change. Direct! Direct! Good boys!”  
  
_ _“Rachel sounding very relaxed there but things are going to get very urgent for the Cambridge crew very soon if they let Oxford slip away any more.”  
  
_ _“There are some prepared to say that if Oxford win here it would be the biggest upset since the year of the mutiny, 1987. Oxford have a lead.”  
  
_ Jess was lost in the action with those around her. Screaming and cheering for Cambridge to catch up. Hannah next to her was almost hoarse.  
  
Then after ten minutes Cambridge pulled back level, their advantage coming up in the next half a mile. The screens showed a shot of the boat bows and Cambridge’s was slightly in front of the opposition. It was going to be a close race with just seven minutes to go!  
  
 _“On to and beyond the Chiswick Steps. The leaders at this point almost always turn out to be the winners. Oxford have twice since the turn of this century though turned the deficit of Chiswick Steps into victory. Cambridge haven’t achieved that since 1961. There was point three of a second between the two crews at the Chiswick Steps.”  
  
_ _“Cambridge still pushing.”  
  
_ Cambridge had indeed pulled ahead by half a length by eleven and a half minutes. Oxford’s advantage was at an end, with now a straight sprint down to Barnes Bridge and Cambridge’s advantage on the final bend. Oxford were having to sprint in effort to catch up with Cambridge, over  length ahead now, by increasing their speed back up from 36 to 40 strokes per minute.  
  
Then at just under fifteen minutes with three minutes to go, Oxford’s organisation turned scrappy as, trailing behind Cambridge, they moved to the right to be directly behind them and then further on to their right. Whether in attempt to take the final bend or a fault on the cox’s part, Jess wasn’t certain. But Cambridge were now safely in front with just under a mile to go.  
  
 _“As smooth, as glassy, as frictionless as Augusta Green. Without impediment either from the elements or the opposition; without inhibition, without a care in the world. Cambridge have waited a little while for this. There have been some dark days for the Light Blues just recently but the clouds are clearing now. For two long years they have longed for the day when with Barnes Bridge behind them, the Oxford boat is behind them too, a Cambridge boat staffed with men – several of whom have done this before but only one of whom had won this before and that is all about to change. An international crew with a British heart, a German engine, an uncompromising North American competitive streak, and it’s theirs to lose now.”  
  
_ “Jess!” Hannah screamed, pointing. “Here they come!”  
  
The boats were just coming into view as they rounded the last of the bend before the sprint to the finish line. The crowd roared; Jess and Hannah willing Cambridge to victory. The commentators voices were lost underneath the sheer volume of cheers as the boats neared them faster and faster, the Light Blues in front by well over a length.  
  
As they finally crossed the finish line, Jess and Hannah hugged, jumping up and down in celebration and excitement, Cambridge supporters around them going wild. Applause and congratulatory cheers followed and whoops of delight as two Cambridge crew members stood up proudly punching the air in celebration. Another was lying back against the crew member behind him in relief and exhaustion, the latter patting him on the shoulder.  
  
Jess turned to look back at the screen: 17:49 had been their time. Not the quickest, _that_ had been 16minutes and 19seconds in 1998, but certainly the best performance Jess had ever seen – with her own eyes!  
  
Cambridge had won! It had not happened since 2004, and then 2001 before that. Jess knew she’d just witnessed a very special performance. As it was also Hannah’s birthday, it was likely to be a day that neither of them forgot for a long time!

 

* * *

 

The Bails and the Parkers spent the rest of the evening walking in Hyde Park, Hannah’s favourite part of London. As the sun set they approached the Diana, Princess of Wales memorial. Jess slipped her feet out of her shows and rolled up her jeans to her shins, Hannah followed suit and together they began to slowly wade their around the granite fountain.  
  
For the first time since New Year, Jess felt totally relaxed and care-free. So much bad stuff had happened since then and now they had important exams looming it was bound to get worse. Hannah linked their arms together as they continued walking in thoughtful silence.  
  
When they had almost walked round the entire fountain, Hannah finally spoke. “I’m really glad you’ve been here for me, Jess. Thank you. It’s been tough but I think we’re just about through the worst, and hopefully things will get better.” She wrapped her arms around her younger cousin, hugging her close as they walked.  
  
Jess beamed up at her. “Me too.”


	12. Severed Ties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more drama, angst, and mild language.

April and May were two months of hell for Jess, and not just because of the looming End-of-Year exams. Immediately following Hannah’s birthday, Tom began sneaking up on Jess, catching her off guard during the week trying desperately to make her speak to him again. Becoming close friends after the first few days of the year, they had swapped copies of each other’s timetable which explained why Tom could find her so easily despite being at a different College. In corridors between lectures or outside the computer laboratory building where Jess had her practical sessions, he would appear out of nowhere and strike up a conversation with her – or at least try to, it was always one-sided.  
  
But never when Hannah was with her.  
  
Jess knew he must be missing his own lectures and classes making such an effort. But she also suspected that he was trying to get back to Hannah through her, which Jess thought pretty shallow.  
  
“Just find Hannah and talk to her yourself!” she yelled at him when she spotted him yet again outside the computer labs one Wednesday morning. It was just over a week after the Boat Race. “I don’t want to talk to you. Stop following me around!”  
  
“But neither does she Jess! I can’t go near her without her giving me a death-glare. Seriously, if looks could kill-”  
  
“You’d have gone a _long_ time ago,” Jess finished. Then retorted angrily, “So what, because I don’t give you the evils you take that as a sign to follow me around everywhere when she’s not around, hoping for a conversation? That’s low, Tom. She told you to stay away from a reason!”  
  
She began to walk away but Tom grabbed her arm making her spin around on her purple heels. She wrenched herself from his grasp.  
  
“But if I can break your guard, I can break hers. You’re talking to me,” he said smugly. “I’ve known her longer than I’ve known you. Heck I’ve known her for longer than you have and you’re bloody _family_!”  
  
Jess raised her eyebrows. “Oh, what, you have custody over her feelings now?” she asked coldly, folding her arms across her chest.  
  
“Funny,” he replied sardonically. “She certainly has over you, yet where is she now, huh? Your protector?” he jeered. Jess thought it quite pathetic, the type of thing she’d expect from secondary school kids.  
  
“In a lecture,” Jess replied coolly and pointedly. “But we both know you knew that already or you wouldn’t be here. And I can look after myself perfectly fine I’ll have you know.”  
  
“Didn’t quite go that way at my party now, did it?” he said darkly. “You got us caught by the police with your little stunt, your little _drunk_ stunt! Not quite looking after yourself then were you Little Miss Perfect, hey, Parker?”  
  
He took a step toward her, but Jess stood her ground. Her classmates had long since walked on ahead and had missed their heated exchange. She was on her own.  
  
Tom continued, left index finger pointing at her as he spoke, his voice was low and fierce. “I apologised profusely after that, and you forgave me. Don’t deny it; I could see it in your eyes. You wanted me back even if you didn’t say it. But Han didn’t. I’ve lost her because of _you_!”  
  
With the last word his finger made contact with Jess’s chest with a sharp jab. She stumbled backwards against the wall. She wanted to run but at the same time didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of showing him how much he was hurting her. So instead she stayed where she was and let him filter out the anger and stress that she figured had been building up for such a long time.  
  
He then began pacing back and forth in front of her as he gathered up and spat out his thoughts. “This is all your fault Jess! This mess I’m in, that _we’re_ in. Mike and Ed turned to drug dealing and are _still_ not out of hospital. They probably won’t be allowed back here! It’s just me and Gary in our flat now. It’s so boring, I can’t stand him!”  
  
Jess didn’t bother to correct him about Mike and Ed. They had got into drug dealing through choices of their own and not through any fault of hers. She was distracted from her thoughts as his voice became softer and she realised he was no longer yelling.  
  
“They were never my friends. No matter how many times I convinced myself. That night, when it all went wrong, Hannah shouted at me at the police station how I’d changed since being around them. Then I lost her. I miss her.”  
  
He stopped pacing and turned to face her. “I miss you too. Fuck Jess, you even let me _kiss_ you!” Jess winced. This was dangerous territory. “And you kissed me back and we never got to talk about it!”  
  
Without thinking Jess became defensive. “I wasn’t in my right mind then and you knew it. You were supposed to look after me. You should never have let any of that happen!”  
  
“I let it happen because I care about you, Jess.”  
  
“Oh, and it didn’t occur to you that I might not want it to? That I might not care the same way? I was drunk, I wasn’t thinking straight!” But even as she said it, her cheeks betrayed her.  
  
“You’re blushing. You _did_ like it!” he said triumphantly.  
  
Now Jess was desperate to get away. She wanted Hannah to suddenly appear out of nowhere like in the films and drag her to safety. But Hannah was in her lecture till midday; there was no chance.  
  
Tom took a step closer to her again, trapping her against the wall. She tried to steady her breathing in a desperate attempt to calm her racing heart so as to not show her fear. But then the inevitable happened. With one hand on the wall beside her head he leant down and brought his lips crashing down on hers and just for a split second she melted into the kiss.  
  
“NO!” she screamed, coming to her senses. Her heel stomped down hard on his foot and she pushed him away. She took her chance and ran and didn’t stop until she was as far away from him as she could get: outside Hannah’s lecture theatre. He wouldn’t dare come near here. Not wanting to go in she sprinted into the toilets and sank down on the floor, tears streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks.

 

* * *

 

Three days after Tom’s outburst, Jess was once again subjected to an angry berating. This time it was from Ben Hammond, her once close friend from secondary school. He yelled at her down the phone Saturday night about how she was selfish and self-absorbed and didn’t care about any of her friends.  
  
Throughout the past few months, Jess had indeed neglected to contact either Ben or Millie. So much had been going on around her on a daily basis and in her own head that she had completely forgotten she even had any other friends. She felt awful and wanted to explain everything that had happened.  
  
But she didn’t fight him. He was in the right to call her every vile and nasty name he could think of. He told her how Millie had come home for the Easter Holidays expecting to see her but Jess had been at Cambridge – there were no Easter Holidays at University, no half terms. But no, that wasn’t good enough for him; she could at least have visited on a weekend, such as the one before last when the Boat Race had been held and she’d been just around the corner. He told her how the two of them were now the best of friends and Millie didn’t want Jess to contact her anymore; she had better friends of her own in America and wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon.  
  
Jess just sat and listened to his rant, tears pouring down her face in sadness, regret and resignation. In the end, he hung up.

 

* * *

 

Hannah was also in a mess. She’d found Jess in the toilets crying her eyes out after the confrontation with Tom and had demanded to know what had happened. At first Jess didn’t have the heart to tell her, knowing it was the last thing she’d want to hear. But at the same time she needed to know, she’d been there for Jess so many times and Jess couldn’t just stop that flow now.  
  
So she rambled hysterically about everything Tom had said, how he’d caught her off guard and how she’d broken her promise and argued back. When it came to the kiss, Jess couldn’t say it out loud but Hannah guessed. She pulled Jess to her feet and took her home straight away, Jess still in floods of tears and trying to apologise between sobs.  
  
Hannah didn’t speak, which meant she was angry. But she was holding back her anger because she didn’t want to explode in front of Jess knowing what she’d just been through. Instead, the law student had just held Jess as she calmed herself down and then forced her to bed once they got home.  
  
Jess didn’t know whether to be grateful or annoyed.  
  
Since then Hannah had become somewhat distant, Jess noticed. That meant she was angry with _her_. But Jess couldn’t blame her.  
  
In the five short months since New Year, in fact in just the nine months they had been at University, Jess had been nothing but trouble. She was the cause of all this mess, just like Tom had said. If she hadn’t insisted on going to his party then nothing would have happened. Tom would still have Hannah; Hannah would still have Tom. Tom would still have Mike and Ed. Hannah would still have her girlfriends.  
  
If Jess hadn’t been such a genius with computers, she wouldn’t even be there. It was all her fault; that was the bottom line.  
  
She’d thought she could handle it, going to University at fourteen years old. It was the opportunity of a lifetime and she’d jumped into it head first. To prove to everyone else who believed in her, including herself, that she could manage. But instead all she’d done was mess up everyone’s lives around her.  
  
What _had_ she been thinking?  
  
In the week following Jess’s conversation with Tom, Hannah began slacking her guard. Not bothering to escort Jess to every class and lecture. Instead she left her to her own devices, which worked as Tom didn’t appear again having finally let off his steam. They still met up for lunch, and Hannah still accompanied her on the bus journeys. But her heart wasn’t in it as much as it used to be.  
  
At home they didn’t make time to speak to each other as they were up to their necks in exam revision and practical preparations.  
  
Debby and Mark noticed the girls weren’t spending as much time together as usual, but accepted their excuses of having so much work to do. But in truth they were avoiding each other. Or rather, Hannah was avoiding talking to Jess.  
  
Jess wanted to make things right. They were supposed to have each other through all of this. Hannah had said it herself just days before. She needed to talk to her older cousin. Open her up, find a solution and fix the problem.

Jess would be brilliant at it, after all she did it with computers on a regular basis.  
  
But Hannah was not made of electronic parts that could be easily manipulated, rewired and the console reset. She was a human being; the theory was one thing, but the application was going to require a _lot_ more work!  
  


* * *

 

Jess’s exams were over in a flash, and she was thrilled at the realisation she now had an eight week summer holiday. And she was back in Twickenham with her parents until the autumn.  
  
She was pleased with her performances in the three examinations she had been entered for: written, practical assessment and A-level Mathematics.  
  
The three-hour long written exam had consisted of two essay questions, on object-oriented programming and the simple operating systems. They were challenging, even for Jess, but she was confident she’d passed.  
  
She was almost a hundred per cent sure that she’d passed the practical assessment with a perfect score. They hadn’t had to build their own monitor from scratch, which slightly disappointed Jess, instead they had had to fix a broken monitor while orally explaining to the examiner what they were doing and why. Jess hadn’t been the slightest bit nervous. Knowing exactly what she needed to do, she had started on the task straight away and even finished in record time which thoroughly impressed the examiner.   
  
The maths exam she was less sure of, but it had been necessary as she shouldn’t even have been allowed on the Computer Science course without the A-level. She figured that she’d tried her best which was all she could do.  
  
After a week and a half of the holidays, Jess had heard nothing from Hannah. Debby and Mark both rang her up on separate occasions to apologise for their daughter’s behaviour. But Jess assured them honestly that she understood, and told them to pass on the message that she was prepared to give Hannah all the space she needed and to remind her that she would still be here for her, like she’d promised. She also texted her cousin the same words to make sure she received them correctly.  
  
She hoped Hannah would come around, forgive and forget, and go back to how she used to be.  
  
It would be an unbearably long summer holiday otherwise!


	13. Autumn into Winter

Hannah and Jess made up one weekend at the end of July when the Bails came over to Twickenham for Jess’s mum’s birthday. No sooner had she stepped through the door and thrown off her shoes Hannah had taken Jess’s hand, led her upstairs, sat her down on her bed and apologised. And just like that it was forgotten. During the course of the summer, Hannah stayed over many times and the two of them became as close as sisters like they had once been.  
  
Jess had desperately missed it.  
  
Being an only child, things could often get lonely during the holidays, especially now as Hannah was her only real friend. Her dad had no family other than his parents but they had died when Jess was just four years old. Jess’s mum, Angela, had one older brother, Uncle Dave, but his wife Mary couldn’t have children, and they weren’t interested in adoption. Dave was the manager of a busy construction firm based in Sydney, Australia, so Jess didn’t get to see them very often. But Grandma Denise, Angela’s mum, had a sister Maria. This was where Hannah’s family were from and Debby was also an only child. The Bails were the only extended family Jess had; Hannah had become her second cousin, sister and best friend all rolled into one.  
  
As for her dad, he had an estranged brother called Tim who until recently had been the manager of Wellington Zoo, being mauled by one of his own lions after a bizarre mix up of sedatives. Jess had read it in the local newspaper and had enquired after him, only to find out the estrangement was due to money issues and told not to ask any further questions. She didn’t even know if he’d left behind a family.  
  
That had been during August. Now it was the end of September and she was back in Cherry Hinton, back at the University of Cambridge for her second year. Both her and Hannah had passed their end-of-year exams with flying colours, Jess gaining a perfect score on her practical assessment just as she’d suspected.  
  
She’d somehow managed a grade A in A-level Mathematics and had passed the written paper with ease, all of which meant she had re-established her reputation of being top of her practical class of six. All misunderstandings and suspicions from the previous year forgotten, Jess had her classmates’ respect and friendship again, something that brightened up her mood enormously. She now had a new spring in her step everywhere she went.  
  
She was also already planning her 16th birthday, which was still two months away but Jess wanted it sorted in advance so it would be perfect. This time it would be at the Bails’ house where she was staying. Her parents would come up for the weekend and she would invite her classmates around for a small house party so her parents could finally meet them.  
  
Since the beginning of the year her organisational skills and perfectionist nature had begun to slide. However she wasn’t going to let a few difficult times swipe them from her completely. It was what she thrived on: being organised and optimistic, ahead of schedule, prepared for anything and everything. It felt brilliant to be back to her normal self.  
  
And sixteen was a big number, age-wise. She would be old enough to apply for a part-time job; old enough to buy a lottery ticket; even old enough to get married given her parents’ permission. She scoffed at the latter; she needed to meet a man first!  
  
As well as her sixteenth birthday, this year marked her mum and dad’s 20th wedding anniversary. Jess vowed (pun unintended) to begin planning for it as soon as her birthday schedule was finished.  
  
As the weeks passed and her big day drew nearer and nearer, Jess began to make the final preparations. She handed out invitations to her friends, helped Debby clean the house, tidied her room and, most importantly, began shopping for her outfit!  
  
She finally found it one Friday afternoon at the beginning of November, with just fifteen days to go. It was a yellow frock in a denim-feel material, accessorised with lime green and baby pink belts around the waist and a wide skirt making her legs look even skinnier.  
  
There hadn’t been much fussing around in planning her parents’ wedding anniversary celebration. She rang them up to confirm it was okay for her to plan it for them and they were more than pleased, as long as it wouldn’t interrupt her studies. Jess, being pretty marvellous at multi-tasking, assured them it wouldn’t. The only information she gave them was a date: December 2nd. It was a few days before their actual anniversary, December 5th, but Jess wanted it on a weekend and thought it would have lost its sparkle happening afterwards.  
  
On the morning of her birthday, Jess was up early and on the bus to Cambridge for her Saturday lecture. She wasn’t dressed in her party frock just yet, not wanting to ruin the surprise so had instead opted for one of her favourite outfits despite the winter chill: a short lilac skirt with a peach button-up blouse and a short turquoise cardigan, with matching turquoise heels.  
  
The lecturer, Shelley, gave Jess a special shout-out and everyone in the room was made to sing happy birthday to her. Jess blushed.  
  
Once home again, she hugged her parents who’d arrived whilst she was gone, opened her presents and helped Hannah to decorate the house in streamers, banners and balloons. She changed into her party outfit and welcomed the guests through the door when they arrived. After introducing her friends to them, Mark, Debby and her parents retreated upstairs so the teens could have the lounge and kitchen area to themselves. Nibbles were laid out across the kitchen counter and coffee table, a selection of both alcoholic and soft drinks were displayed on the dining room table.  
  
Having learnt her lesson from the beginning of the year, Jess stuck to mainly soft drinks with just the one glass of wine. It was nowhere near as mad as Tom’s party had been. There weren’t that many people there for a start, Jess’s five classmates from her practical seminar; Carrie, Helen, Ryan, Oliver and Jake, and three of Hannah’s closest friends; Maisie, Katie and Tilly. And instead of dancing to thumping music, they had a sky movies channel up playing a rom-com and they just talked and laughed. Jess thoroughly enjoyed herself and was beaming as she hugged and kissed them all goodbye later that evening.  
  
Once her birthday was over with, Jess began to double check the plans for her parents’ anniversary. She rang up the restaurant in London - the same one they’d taken her to for her birthday last year - to make sure her reservation was still available. It was. She rang up a couple of her parents’ friends whose numbers she could remember to make sure they could still come to the house on the day. They could. She even rang up the catering company to make sure the cake would be ready and delivered to the house in time. It would be.  
  
Jess smiled. It really was going to be perfect!  
  
She didn’t bother finding a new outfit this time, as she knew her parents would berate her for going to too much effort and even wasting money. So she pulled out her mother’s favourite maxi-dress, black chiffon material with bright floral print that they’d bought her for Christmas – not Jess’s favourite dress but this celebration was all about her parents and she really wanted to please them, she loved them so much.  
  
Sunday December 2nd dawned cloudy, wet and miserable. It was not quite cold enough to snow, temperatures staying at a stable 2 degrees Celsius. Nevertheless, Jess watched from her bed as drops of sleet splattered the windows. Hardly the weather for such a joyful celebration, Jess thought sadly with a sigh.  
  
Even the deep snowfall last year which meant the guests had become stranded and Jess and the Bails snowed in hadn’t put a damper on the celebrations. The few guests had checked in at a hotel nearby and Jess had used her infamous skills to hack into – with the hotel’s permission of course – it’s IT system. Luckily the three computers were equipped with webcams and so the party went ahead as planned, even if Jess and the Bails were further away than they would’ve liked.  
  
However, it looked like everything would work out properly this year. Jess checked the weather forecast on her laptop for London, cloudy with sleety showers just like in Cherry Hinton and no chance of snow. Jess beamed.  
  
They set off for London just after nine o’clock in the morning and made it to Jess’s house in Twickenham before eleven. The other guests weren’t due to arrive until after three which gave Jess a chance to catch-up with her parents. She learned that her dad was treating her mum to a Christmas break away in South Africa, somewhere the two of them had always wanted to visit. That meant Jess would have to stay in Cherry Hinton for Christmas but she really didn’t mind.  
  
They had always been limited to where they could go on holiday as a family due to Jess’s bug allergy. Being as young as she was her parents hadn’t wanted to risk taking her to exotic locations as a child in case it caused a very serious reaction. However as she was now older, the chances of a serious damage were a lot less and Jess had braved a trip to Malaga for Hannah’s 18th last April. She’d needed several adrenaline injections for mosquito bites but nothing else, and the reactions hadn’t been severe just dizziness and a high temperature.  
  
Now she was at University with only minimum time available for holidays, her parents had just stuck to weekend breaks within the country. So it was nice for them to venture somewhere abroad without having to worry about her.  
  
When the guests began to arrive, Jess made sure everything ran smoothly as per her schedule. She played butler at first, welcoming the guests into the house and showing them into the lounge and offering them drinks. Once everyone was settled in, she and Hannah retreated upstairs for a few private conversations before heading back downstairs. There were a few little kids running around, none of Jess’s age, they were all between three and ten years old. Some were huddled in front of the lounge television which was now playing cartoons, while some were hanging onto their parents while they conversed with their friends.  
  
Jess plugged in her dad’s iPod and let a playlist of 80’s tracks echo around the room as background music. When it was time to serve the food, Jess helped her mum in the kitchen with last minute preparations before uncovering the buffet laid out on the dining room table and beginning to hand out plates.  
  
The guests began to leave just after half past six, allowing a small window of time for Jess to let her parents get ready for their evening outing. Mark, Debby and Hannah were joining them too. The family shared a delicious meal out together while the adults asked the two teen girls how things were getting on, and they in return caught up on what Jess’s parents had been up to over the past few months.  
  
As they left the restaurant, Jess hugged her parents goodbye and made them promise they would visit her before going away for Christmas. They assured her they would in order to deliver her present, which made Jess grin from ear to ear.

 

* * *

 

On New Year’s Eve, or rather early New Year’s Day, Jess lay awake reflecting on the year. She’d certainly had her share of bad luck and it made her eyes fill with tears reliving the painful memories. Tom’s party, the subsequent fallout and heartbreak she had caused as a result, and the many verbal blows she’d taken.  
  
But now everything seemed to be getting back on track. She had friends; she had her family who had stuck by her through the difficult patches. She was once again on top of all of her work and on target for a well-paid and successful career if she continued.  
  
In her opinion, life couldn’t get any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile in the background: During the course of 2007, Connor, Abby, Cutter and Stephen began working for ARC after investigating monster sightings in the Forest of Dean (Jenny’s Universe remember so it’s been the ARC from the start - I presume - and not the Home Office… The whole Claudia Brown-Jenny Lewis thing still has me confused so feel free to correct me) But Series 1 has happened and Series 2&3 will be in the background now.


	14. Like Father, Like Daughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the bluntness that occurs in this chapter, but it’s all about the shock factor. A warning though to those who may be sensitive to the following content, but a character death is coming. It wasn't planned but also ended up being the right timing.

January came and went swiftly, along with the few isolated patches of snow still scattered around from the fall before New Year. Jess was brought back to earth with a bump as she and Hannah were having to work flat-out in effort to meet deadlines coming up in March.  
  
Then short notice arrangements were made for Jess to go home one weekend in February. She was delighted to have a momentary break from all the work, especially to see her parents, but on the other hand wasn’t happy with it being so sudden. That meant something was up and it made Jess nervous.  
  
Nevertheless she didn’t refuse and was bouncing in her seat as Mark pulled up into the drive Friday night. He headed for the boot to retrieve her case while Jess headed straight for the door.  
  
They made the most out of the weekend, heading into the capital the next day sightseeing and shopping. They had two lovely meals in two of her parents’ favourite restaurants - complete with chocolate desserts! - and went for a walk in Kensington Gardens. The weather wasn’t brilliant but it didn’t rain so they were all able to take full advantage of being outside.  
  
Jess bought some new jewellery from a market in Covent Garden and replenished her make-up supply; her parents even treated her to a brand new pair of multi-coloured platform heels.  
  
On the Sunday they stayed in the house playing board and card games and Jess bored her dad stupid showing and telling him all the stuff she had learnt and could now do with their laptop if they let her. She could tell it was going way over his head but he listened anyway.  
  
They shared a Chinese takeaway for lunch which was delicious. Jess had completely forgotten how good the food tasted! Debby and Mark didn’t do takeaways, which had slightly disappointed her at first but had learned over the years to accept it.   
  
Her parents didn’t tell her until half an hour before she was due to leave.  
It was cruel, fooling her into a false sense of security and happiness only to whip it away and replace it with reality just as she was to go back to University.  
  
Her dad was dying. Cancer. He had just months to live.  
  
He’d been diagnosed a long time ago but after a check up just five days previously they’d found out it had become very serious very fast and knew they couldn’t keep it from their daughter any longer.  
  
Hannah had to drag her kicking and screaming out of the house when she and Debby arrived to take her away. She couldn’t leave them. Not now. She needed to stay and help. Needed to do anything she could to prevent the inevitable. She became angry, yelling through tears that it wasn’t true, that they wouldn’t do such a thing to her.  
  
She sobbed in Hannah’s arms the entire journey home.  
  
Home… since when had she started calling Cherry Hinton _home_? Her home was in Twickenham with her parents, with her real family. Hannah’s house wasn’t her home; it was just where she was staying temporarily whilst studying at Cambridge.  
  
How could she have abandoned her parents like that without a second thought?

 

* * *

 

The following weeks were extremely difficult for Jess. She’d slipped into emotional turmoil making it near impossible for her to concentrate on her work. Whereas before she would have met deadlines with ease, handing in completed work as early as possible, this time she’d almost failed the unit by submitting the required essays just minutes before the cut-off point.  
  
Her plan to make her own way back to Twickenham had fallen flat on its face as Hannah had become her bodyguard once again and would not leave her side. Jess knew she only was trying to help and should have found it comforting but instead she found it so frustrating.  
  
She began to isolate herself from her friends and family, working in the library in her free time and lunches or shutting herself up in her bedroom. Hannah attempted many times to talk her out of it by encouraging her to talk, to help lift the invisible weight she carried around daily but Jess would either refuse or just ignore her completely.  
  
Her work and reputation began to suffer too. No longer having the determination and optimism to perform to the best of her ability Jess began to slack. She began daydreaming during her lectures missing out on important information meaning she couldn’t answer questions in her practical sessions.  
  
But that wasn’t the worst of it.  
  
On a bleak late-April morning Jess was taken out of her practical session by Mr Johnson, Head of Pembroke College to be told the news. She followed him to his office on the other side of campus and took a seat in front of his desk.  
  
The last time she’d been in this scenario had been well over a year ago when she was made to apologize to the University Museum manager after the break-in. However, this time his facial expression was not one of anger and disappointment, but one of sympathy and sadness.  
  
“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, Jess, but your father passed away last night in The Cassel Hospital in Richmond. We heard from the nurse this morning about thirty minutes ago. I’m truly sorry.”  
  
Jess leant her chin on the palm of her hand, her elbow on the armrest of the chair, staring blankly at the wall to her left as tears flooded her eyes and poured down her cheeks. She couldn’t find her voice to reply.  
  
“I’ve spoken to both your lecturers and Charlie, and they’ve informed me that your concentration has been slightly off for the past few weeks, understandable given the unfortunate circumstances.”  
  
He paused, no doubt expecting her to protest. When she didn’t, he continued.  
  
“However they have all agreed with me that you should be allowed to return home. Not forever, just for one week. That way you have time off for the funeral, which is next Wednesday I have been told, and time to refresh yourself before your return. I expect you back here Monday the 5th, sharp. Is that understood?”  
  
Jess nodded, eyes still on the wall.  
  
“Very well. You may go.”  
  
She pulled herself together and stood up to leave. When she was about to exit through the door, he spoke again and she turned her head.  
  
“Jess? I really am very sorry. Just don’t beat yourself up too hard, there was nothing you could have done even if you’d have tried.” He gave her a sympathetic smile before gesturing for her to leave.  
  
Once outside the office, Hannah appeared out of nowhere and enveloped her in a hug, rocking her from side to side as Jess sobbed uncontrollably.

 

* * *

 

Jess went home the very next day. Not bothering to knock she deposited her case carelessly in the hall and ran straight through to the lounge. Her mum was curled up on the sofa wrapped up in her duvet, asleep. She looked so peaceful, even with a slight frown on her brow.  
  
The television was playing some eighties comedy show called Blackadder, _her dad’s favourite_ she thought with a smile. She crossed the room and curled up in an armchair and watched the programme for a few minutes before her mum stirred.  
  
“Jess?” she asked groggily.  
  
“I’m here, Mum,” Jess replied softly.  
  
Her mum sat up, stretched and yawned. Then she looked at Jess and tears began to flow from her eyes as realisation hit her. Jess automatically hurried over to join her under the covers just like she used to as a kid.  
  
“I’m so glad you’re here, Jess. I don’t know what I’d do if I was here for much longer on my own. I’m so sorry we kept it from you, we didn’t want you to worry and then before we knew it, it was too late,” her mum sobbed.  
  
Jess snuggled closer to her, resting her head on her mum’s shoulder.  
“You don’t have to apologise for anything. _I’m_ sorry I couldn’t do more to help,” she replied.  
  
Her mum sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You’re my baby girl; you helped us just by being _you_. Clever, brilliant, fashionable, formidable Jessica Maria Parker. Just look at what you’ve achieved; what you’ve _yet_ to achieve.”  
  
Jess beamed, her own tears returning.  
  
They sat there for hours watching the television, laughing and crying together. Then Jess glanced at the clock and ushered her mum to bed, promising to bring her breakfast in bed first thing in the morning.  
  
The next couple of days went by slowly. Her mum was off work by order of her boss and not due to return for a month. Having nothing to do, she moped around cleaning the house and tending the garden. Jess helped her cook meals and even cooked for her whenever her mum had a particularly bad day.  
  
Debby and Hannah called everyday for updates on her and Jess.  
  
One thing Jess had noticed was the change in her mother’s fashion. Usually her mum was just like her, always dressed in bright and bold colours. Jess owed her own fashion style to her mum, she was her role model and Jess had wanted to dress like her since she was a kid. To her five-year-old self, her mother was a princess, always so beautiful and pristine in her appearance.  
  
Jess’s fashion style developed from a very early age.  
  
However, instead of the usual bright colours and patterns, her mum had taken to roaming the house in comparable drab. Bleak and natural colours that Jess wasn’t aware she even owned began to appear. Gone were the skirts and smart trousers and in their place were denim shorts, jeans and jogging bottoms. It reflected her new mood and it made Jess sad to see the transformation.  
  
The day of the funeral was the most difficult.  
  
Jess had to force her mum into a black dress, which she refused to wear in favour for a black business suit. Jess didn’t own a funeral outfit herself so had to improvise, squeezing into her old school pencil skirt with which she wore a tucked in black floaty top, her leather jacket and black heels.  
  
The Bails joined them just before the cortege picked them up to take them to the cemetery. Jess held Hannah’s hand throughout the service, tears flowing freely when her mum read the memoriam to her late husband. There weren’t that many people there, a few of her dad’s work colleagues, the family friends who had come to their anniversary party just five months previously, and some others Jess didn’t recognise.  
  
After the burial, everyone headed to the local pub for the after-party. Both Jess and her mum were hugged, kissed and offered sympathies. Jess noticed her mum was having trouble speaking, so thanked the guests on her behalf and even gave a speech at the end before bidding farewell to them all.  
  
That evening, Jess was talking to Hannah up in her old room. The walls were stripped bare as Jess had placed the many posters up in her new room in Cherry Hinton. The furniture was mostly bare as her book and DVD collections had also gone with her. But it was still her bedroom, still habitable.  
  
“I think I’m going to stay home next year,” she stated.  
  
“Drop out? Jess, it’s your final year! You can’t give up now,” Hannah countered.  
  
“But look at my mum, she’s a mess. I need to stay and look after her; I can’t leave her here on her own! I don’t even know if I can manage another month away!”  
  
“Jess, I understand your motive, it’s completely understandable. But is it the right choice for _you?”_ She gave Jess a pleading look before adding softly, “What would your dad want you to do?”  
  
Jess took a deep breath. It was a rhetorical question and she knew it, but she still answered. “He’d want me to keep going. To stay strong and keep fighting.”  
  
Hannah smiled.  
  
“But I just don’t know if I _can_!” her voice cracked on the last word and a fresh wave of tears began.  
  
Hannah cuddled her, stroking her hair soothingly. “I know you can and so do you, Jess. You’re not one to give up easily, especially when you’re on the final step towards your goal! You can do it, I know you can.”  
  
Jess just sat in her cousin’s arms, her _sister’s_ arms, for what felt like hours. Exactly how long she wasn’t certain.  
  
She chewed over Hannah’s words and how easy it had been for her to admit it to herself that she needed to keep on going, to not give up just yet. Even though it was exactly what she didn’t want to do, what she wanted was to stay home and help her mum. But at the same time she knew she needed to carry on.  
  
It was exactly what her dad would want. And she couldn’t let him down.


	15. Promising Horizons

Jess kept her head down for the final few weeks of the academic year. She studied hard, took her exams in her stride and didn’t allow any negative thoughts and feelings to cloud her mind. She kept in regular contact with her mum, texting her throughout the day and calling her once a night.  
  
Then when there were just three days to go until she was to finish, Jess was told she wasn’t going home again. Instead, her mum was coming to her. She was going to move into the Bails’ house, as the Parker’s one in Twickenham was on the market and a buyer had already been found.  
  
Jess was overjoyed, and was eager to help with the moving arrangements. She assisted Mark in organising a removal van and accompanied her surrogate father four days later on the journey to collect her mum, even though her mum had a car of her own. Jess rode back with her mum as they followed the removal van back to Cherry Hinton.  
  
There wasn’t that much to move as the Bails’ house was already furnished given the family already lived there, but Jess’s mum had packed the van full of personal possessions and clothes rather than furniture.  
  
Angela Parker took the spare room on the first floor, opposite Debby and Mark’s. They also had their own lounge area up there to use on evenings and such away from the two teens. Jess was glad her mum was settling in happily. The move had been for her own benefit as well as her mum’s. Being with each other surrounded by family was just what they both needed, Jess thought.  
  
As far as her job was concerned, Jess’s mum had resigned when she knew she would be moving away and hadn’t taken up to applying for another one just yet. She had a considerable amount of inheritance left behind by her late husband and his family to help her through the coming years. Jess couldn’t access her own share until she was eighteen.  
  
The summer holidays were a lot more bearable than they perhaps would have been if Jess and her mum had been alone. But the Bails helped them make the most out of the time they had together.  
  
They ventured on day trips and weekend breaks up and down the country. And after talking to the hospital nurse who medically okayed Jess to go and gave her a new supply of epi-pens, and checking with Jess that she was prepared, they even shared a family holiday away in Florida.  
  
Having her mum by her side everyday was a wonderful comfort to Jess. Once the new academic year began, Jess found herself rambling to her mum every night about all the interesting stuff she’d learned and the pieces of technology she’d been fiddling around with. On the evenings, they would all congregate in the lounge for wine and hot chocolate before heading to bed.  
  
Jess missed her dad terribly but being the optimist, she knew that everything would be okay.  
  
Over the summer, her mum’s colourful dress sense had returned, which pleased Jess enormously. Things were now a lot better than they had been in a long time and Jess had a permanent brilliant smile on her face.

 

* * *

 

A few months later, in March the following year, Jess was asked to stay behind after her Monday morning lecture. Charlie and Mr Johnson appeared and she accompanied them back to Mr Johnson’s office, feeling nervous remembering the previous times she’d done the same thing.  
  
There was a suited man already seated when they entered.  
  
Jess recognised him. He had been at her very first taster day at the University nearly three years ago.  
  
“Jess, please take a seat,” Mr Johnson said.  
  
She took a seat next to the suited man, her tutor stood against the wall nearby.  
  
Whatever was about to happen could surely only be a good thing!  
  
“Jess, this is Mr Adam Lambert. He’s here on behalf of the government to speak to you about a very important and promising matter.”  
  
“Pleased to officially meet you, Miss Parker,” Adam Lambert said offering her his hand which she shook.  
  
“Now, I have been informed of the nature of this matter so my colleague Mr Lawson here and I shall step outside and leave you to it.”  
  
And with that, he gestured for Lambert to take his seat behind the desk before exiting the office with Charlie, leaving Jess and the government man alone. He went straight to the point.  
  
“Jessica Parker. I am PA to the Minister, who oversees the operation of a very secret governmental department, although unlike me, he is quite unaware of what actually happens. However, before we continue any further I shall have to ask you to please sign this.”  
  
He produced a document from his briefcase, grabbed a pen from his pocket and pushed the paper in front of her.  
  
“What’s this?” she inquired.  
  
“The Official Secrets Act. The information I am about to disclose is classified and you must sign to agree that you will keep it exclusively to yourself. No one else but the persons in this room are to know. It is not usually mandatory for a physical signature however you are still underage and it is precaution and for possible future evidence.”  
  
Jess was shocked at what she was hearing but understood the seriousness of what she was about to be told. She signed her name where Lambert showed her and he quickly stored the document back in his briefcase.  
  
“Last spring, Professor Nick Cutter, his lab assistant Stephen Hart, and palaeontology student Connor Temple from the Central Metropolitan University went into the Forest of Dean to investigate a peculiar creature sighting. They were also joined by zookeeper Abby Maitland. But it wasn’t an ordinary creature. It was a Gorgonopsid.”  
  
Jess just looked blankly at him. She had no idea where this was heading.  
  
“A large rhino-type reptile from the late Permian era.”  
  
That caught her attention. Had she just heard him right? “Permian… As in millions of years ago? But how is that possible? Is this some sort of joke?”  
  
“Quite the opposite, Miss Parker.”  
  
“But what has that got to do with me? I’m a Computer Science student, you know that yourself. What have I got to do with this?” she asked, very confused.  
  
“Miss Parker, our secret government department is based at the Anomaly Research Centre, the ARC for short, in central London. I have been overseeing your progress since you first came here in 2005. The ARC was not operational then but I was told by the Minister to scout the top Universities for future useful allies. You were highlighted as a high possibility, a computer genius heading to Cambridge at just fourteen years of age; a child prodigy. I have witnessed your ability, your skills and your professionalism first-hand and we would like to offer you a job.”  
  
“I still don’t understand. A job doing what?”  
  
“The ARC deals with rips in time called anomalies, portals to the distant past and sometimes the future. The Alpha team deal with a large assortment of prehistoric and future creatures which stumble their way through every now and again. It’s a dangerous job and lives are continuously lost, soldiers mainly but most recently Stephen Hart. We think that you could become the Field-Coordinator; eyes and ears of the team. There to prevent future deaths of both the team members and any civilians in danger.”  
  
Jess was grateful she had a chair to sit in; it was a lot of information to digest. She just sat there dumbstruck, unsure of what to say.  
  
Seemingly reading her mind Lambert said, “It is a lot of information to take in, granted. But even if you agree we can’t actually employ you until you are eighteen and have a degree. As you are in your final year now, we felt it appropriate to give you notice. Have you thought about applying for a Master’s degree?” Lambert asked.  
  
“No, I was just going to try for a techie job in the summer after graduation,” she replied honestly.  
  
“Well, you have your job secured now, you’ve signed the Official Secrets Act and you’d be foolish to not follow through. Plus, you’re a liability to us if you don’t follow through. We recommend that you return for a Master’s year, that way you will still be under our supervision and you shall be recruited as soon as you have completed it. We don’t want young talent wasting when it could be used to our advantage. You shall be sent notice of an interview at least four weeks prior and we’ll take it from there. Any questions?”  
  
Jess quite frankly had too many questions whizzing around her head but didn’t say anything and just shook her head.  
  
“Well, you handled it a lot better than I expected,” he said with a smile. “We’ll arrange for private field-coordination training to take place alongside your Master’s study. We’re looking forward to having you on board!”  
  
Lambert stood up, walked around the desk to shake her hand.  
  
“Just one more thing: we never had this conversation, okay?” He winked and tapped a hand on his briefcase. “We’ll be in touch.”  
  
He opened the door and held it for Jess to exit first then followed behind. Mr Johnson and Charlie were engaged in conversation a few feet down the corridor but stopped when the two emerged. Adam Lambert walked over to them, shook their hands and walked away.  
  
“All sorted Miss Parker?” Mr Johnson asked.  
  
“I think so,” she said brightly.  
  
“A possible governmental job guaranteed when you leave. We are very proud of you,” Charlie said with a grin.  
  
“Thanks!” Jess beamed.  
  
What she had just heard sounded absolutely crazy Jess could scarcely believe it herself. A job chasing _dinosaurs_? Or rather, a job directing, _co-ordinating_ , others chasing dinosaurs back to their time?  
  
No-one would believe her if she even tried telling! But she was bound under the Official Secrets Act now; she couldn’t afford to slip up.  
  
Besides, it offered her a new-found motivation to keep her going.

 

* * *

 

“I’m going to come back and do a Masters,” Jess told Hannah, taking a slurp of her coffee. They’d met up for lunch in their favourite cafe in the city rather than on campus.  
  
“Why the sudden change?” her cousin replied, a smile playing on her lips.  
  
Jess glanced around to check no one would overhear her. They were in a secluded corner and the café wasn’t too full. Still, just to be safe she leaned forward. It wouldn’t hurt to tell her surrogate sister the very basics, would it? Maybe even a little white lie?  
  
“Someone from the government asked to speak to me today. They’re interested in me, that’s all.”  
  
Hannah raised her eyebrows with a smirk. “As in Special Ops?”  
  
Jess felt a tingling sensation jolt through her at the last two words but she didn’t know why.  
  
When Jess didn’t answer, only taking another sip of her coffee, Hannah exclaimed, “Well, it’s hardly going to be a simple secretary job with your level of ability, Jess!”  
  
“It’s classified, that’s all I know. And that’s all _you_ are to know too, I shouldn’t even have told you!”  
  
“But you did,” Hannah replied with a knowing smile. “It shows you trust me with your life, otherwise you would have kept it to yourself, which you could have done.”  
  
“But my mum and your parents are not to know, is that clear?” she said that with so much authority she even surprised herself. “Sorry,” she added, seeing Hannah’s shocked face.  
  
“Yeah, it’s clear. Well at least I know where you’ll be next year, hey? Still safe and sound at home,” Hannah said glumly.  
  
“Aren’t you looking forward to leaving?” Jess asked softly.  
  
Hannah had recently been offered an internship to join one of America’s most well-respected and successful law firms in Washington DC. She would start straight after Graduation in the summer.  
  
“Yeah, I really am. But I’ll be on my own. I’ve gotten so used to having you around, to having my family with me every day. Now I’m just expected to leave you all behind.”  
  
“I’ll have to move out at some point too, you know!” Jess laughed. “But you should be proud of your achievements and not let anything stop you. Look at me, I’m only seventeen and I’m three months away from graduating with a degree from the University of Cambridge. Now that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been brave and jumped into the fog. I didn’t want to leave my friends and family behind, but I had to decide what was best for _me_ personally and my own future.”  
  
“Ever the optimist, aren’t you Jess?” Hannah chuckled.  
  
Jess grinned, but inside she had a sinking feeling in her stomach. It was very nearly time. After three years of being in each other’s pockets they were on the final straight before they separated to lead their own lives.  
  
She would miss Hannah awfully too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire story is my own personal headcanon, just go with it.  
> Right then, date-wise we’re into 2009 and Jess is now 17. And Becker has started working for the ARC! (Series 3)


	16. Chapter 16

The final few weeks seemed to absolutely fly by to Jess. Before she knew it, she was sat in Senate House in her Graduation gown waiting to accept her Grace and degree diploma. She was shaking with nerves, excitement, and pride. She’d made it.  
  
The only downside was the dress code, which Jess miserably found a little strict. For possibly the first time in her entire life, she was dressed in plain black and white. No stripes, no checks, no creams or greys; just plain black and white. Not even her school uniform had ever been this plain as its colour scheme had been sky-blue and purple.  
  
Her black pencil skirt was down to her knees and her three-quarter sleeved white blouse was smartly tucked in. She wore flesh-coloured tights and plain black, heeled shoes. No buckles were allowed, or slingbacks or peep-toes.  
  
She wasn’t wearing any jewellery, which made her feel naked and exposed if she was quite honest, other than a pair of silver studs in her ears. Jess wasn’t comfortable out of her usual colours but the idea was to encourage all graduates to wear a simple and formal style of dress to promote equality, so she knew she needed to abide.  
  
Jess had researched the Ceremony weeks ago and had learned it would be in Latin, as per tradition of the University, and had taken it upon herself to memorise the meanings of the scripted lines she would hear. She and her fellow graduates would be addressed as _graduand_ s whilst a senior member of each College, the Praelector, would say the Graces to every graduate.  
  
When it finally came to Jess’s turn the Praelector held her right hand and said, "Dignissima domina, Domina Procancellaria et tota Academia praesento vobis hanc mulierem quam scio tam moribus quam doctrina esse idoneam ad gradum assequendum Computer Science; idque tibi fide mea praesto totique Academiae."  
  
 _Most worthy Vice-Chancellor and the whole University, I present to you this woman whom I know to be suitable as much by character as by learning to proceed to the degree of Computer Science; for which I pledge my faith to you and to the whole University.  
  
_ “Jessica Maria Parker!”  
  
As her name was called, Jess stepped forward and knelt, skirt touching the carpet as required. Clasping her hands, the Vice-Chancellor said, "Auctoritate mihi commissa admitto te ad gradum Computer Science, in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti."  
  
 _By the authority committed to me, I admit you to the degree of Computer Science in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.  
  
_ Following tradition as she had been taught, Jess rose, bowed respectfully to the Vice-Chancellor and accepted her degree certificate. She then looped back around to re-take her seat to wait for the rest of the candidates to receive their Graces and degrees. She felt a great burst of pride and smiled extra widely when Hannah was called for Law, proud and happy tears filling her eyes.  
  
After the last _graduand_ has been presented, one of the Esquire Bedells (a ceremonial officer) called the Congregation to order.  
  
“Magistri.” _Masters.  
  
_ Everybody stood. The Vice-Chancellor stepped forward to end the ceremony.  
  
“Nos dissolvimus hanc congregationem.” _We have ended this Congregation._  
  
Then he and his fellow seniors left in procession and Jess and everyone else remained standing until they has passed out of the House. Then came a loud wave of applause and several cheers as the new graduates made their way outside to be reunited with their families, before heading back over to Pembroke College for afternoon tea.  
  
Hannah caught up with Jess and pulled her into a crushing hug. “You did it! You really did it, Jess!” she squealed with excitement.  
  
“We both did it, Han!” Jess squealed in return, grinning.  
  
Once back at Pembroke, Mark, Debby and Jess’s mum found the girls and hugged them. Both women had tear-stained cheeks and as Jess pulled away from her mum she saw new tears beginning to slip.  
  
“Your dad would have been so proud of you, honey,” she said quietly with a smile.  
  
Jess smiled back as her own tears began to fall.

 

* * *

 

Three weeks later, Jess was in tears again as she stood at Terminal 5 of Heathrow Airport. Hannah was travelling to Washington DC in Business Class, courtesy of her Law firm.   
  
Jess beamed at how old her cousin looked. She was dressed in a burgundy business dress, similar to the one she’d worn when they had first met four years ago only it was longer and clung to her figure, reaching her knees, and a _lot_ more expensive. The rest of her outfit was simple; a black blazer and black suede platform heels, a navy lanyard hung around her neck showing her Business Class pass. Her long blonde hair was tied in a French braid, resting on her right shoulder.  
  
She was only twenty-one years old but she looked so much older.  
  
“Oh, my baby girl’s all grown up!” Debby exclaimed through her tears, clinging onto her daughter tightly. “Have you got your passport? And your money? I hope you don’t lose your luggage!”  
  
“It had to happen at some point, Mum! Stop fussing!” Hannah giggled.  
  
She hugged and kissed Jess’s mum goodbye next. “Thank you, Angie, it’s been great. I’ll miss you.”  
  
“You’re welcome, darling. And thank _you_ for everything you’ve done for Jess when I wasn’t around. Howard never told you but he was exceptionally grateful for your kindness and selflessness. I really can’t thank you enough.”  
  
Mark had tears in his eyes when Hannah moved over to hug him. “Thank you, Dad, we’ve had our bad times but we got through them in the end. I’m going to really miss you; I love you. Goes without saying, really,” she smirked.  
  
“I love you too, sweetheart,” Mark replied.  
  
Jess tried hard to stop her eyes from flooding but to no avail. When Hannah turned to her, the tears wouldn’t stop. Hannah grabbed her hand and led her a few steps away from the crowd.  
  
“Jess, we’ve had some truly wonderful times. I wish it had lasted longer. I’m possibly going to miss you the most, you’re the little sister I never had. I’ll try and come back to see you as much as I can, but I can’t promise it’ll be often, but I’ll keep in touch! Besides,” Hannah said with a knowing smile, leaning forward to whisper in her ear so their parents couldn’t hear. “Your job may be even more full-on than mine!” she drew back and winked.  
  
Jess hugged her fiercely. “Good luck!” she said with a nod and a watery smile.  
  
“You too,” Hannah replied, flicking her younger cousin’s nose affectionately. Jess noticed her eyes were filling with tears.  
  
“Careful now, don’t want to smudge that make-up before you’ve got there!” Jess said brightly, dabbing Hannah’s cheeks with her tissue.  
  
Hannah took a step back as Jess went to stand with her mum, taking in her final view.   
  
“Go, honey, or you’ll never leave!” Mark chuckled.  
  
Hannah gave him a sad smile in return, then she caught Jess’s eye and beamed. Jess nodded her encouragement.  
  
“Well okay, goodbye! I love you all!” she said brightly.  
  
Jess watched as Hannah turned and walked bravely towards the gate, purple carry-on bag swinging from her arm. Waving her pass at the attendant she turned back for one final wave before disappearing round the corner.  
  
That marked a new beginning for the pair of them. As Jess turned away to make her way to the viewing area, she took a deep breath and smiled widely at her family beside her.  
  
Things were moving on, but definitely for the better.

 

* * *

 

The holidays weren’t the same for Jess without Hannah around. They Skyped each other regularly, despite the five-hour time difference, Jess learning her cousin was getting on really well and enjoying herself, even if she was continuously up to her neck in on-the-job training.  
  
Once September arrived, Jess was back at Cambridge for her Masters year. This time she was in a group of seven other students, six of whom she had never met before but she recognised from her lectures the previous three years. Only one person from her old class had stayed on, Jake Pearson.  
  
The week after she returned, her field-coordination training began. It took place in one of the IT suites in the computer lab building, but after hours so it was secure and private as promised. It involved Jess putting her abilities to the test, hacking into CCTV feeds and accessing maps and blueprints, directing purposely set-up teams of soldiers to destinations as quickly as she could. She was given multiple scenarios, which could change in an instant without warning, to see how she coped and how effective her solutions were.  
  
She passed every test with surprising ease, her composure relaxing the more and more she practised, her professionalism and perfectionist nature helping her every step of the way. And she absolutely loved it.  
  
She had passed her driving test in the summer holidays meaning she could drive herself to and from her training without attracting curiosity – she’d received the Bails’ red Mini Cooper as a congratulatory prize, after they bought a larger estate car. The excuse she gave her family for staying behind at the University so late was to take part in study groups in the library, the only time she and her classmates could meet up.  
  
The night of her eighteenth birthday she let Hannah in on the basics yet again, saying simply she was now receiving government training. Hannah was ecstatic and said how proud she was of Jess and how far she’d come in so little time.  
  
Adam Lambert returned at the beginning of April. He caught up with Jess unexpectedly after one of her lectures and led her to a confidential room nearby.  
  
“Miss Parker, you have been invited by Mr James Lester to attend an interview at the ARC tomorrow afternoon.”  
  
“Tomorrow? But I thought I was going to be given at least a month’s notice?” she countered. Not that she wasn’t pleased that it was finally happening, it was just very short notice.  
  
“Circumstances have changed since we last met, Miss Parker, and you are required immediately.”

* * *

 

As soon as she got home that evening, Jess gathered everyone in the lounge and went straight to the point.  
  
“I’ve got to be in London tomorrow,” she said quickly.  
  
“What? Why?” her mum asked.  
  
“I have a job interview,” Jess said simply, beaming from ear to ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Further date clarification: In 4x02 Jess says to Becker that she’s worked with them “for over eight months now”. As Connor and Abby were stuck in the Cretaceous for a year (from end of S3 in 2009 until S4 in 2011), which means that there is approximately a four-month gap to fill in which time there were the four rescue missions and the ARC disbanded (2009/2010) and then reopened with Prospero funding (2010) and the webisodes..
> 
> Soooooo in my story, Jess graduated in June 2009 and began her Master’s year in September. Connor, Abby and Danny disappear around this time, allowing for Becker and Sarah’s four rescue missions taking us into 2010 (it would surely take a while to wait for anomalies to open to the correct time period?), three-month gap of no ARC, the reopening and the webisodes where Jess and Matt are interviewed and meet Becker and then eight months until Series 4. 
> 
> AGAIN, THIS IS HEADCANON SO GO WITH IT.


	17. Burden of Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to present day Jess now.

“Once I started working for the ARC, it became harder and harder to stay in touch. A few days after my interview, I moved into my flat that was provided fully-furnished and I used my dad’s inheritance to add a few extras and make it more mine, and pay the rent. For the first two weeks I was given a private driver until I knew where I was going and was able to drive myself. I got so caught up in the excitement of it all I often forgot about her,” Jess said sadly, biting her lip.  
  
Becker gave her a reassuring squeeze. “It must have been hard for you to adjust to being on your own.”  
  
Jess nodded. “It was, but I never let it get to me. I found it quite fun actually, being in charge for a change; able to do anything I wanted! I would think it’s what most eighteen year olds dream of doing, you know. Moving out and having a spacious flat all to themselves, far away from home, with a well-paid job to go to everyday. Not that I wasn’t glad when Abby and Connor moved in, it was great to have some company after nearly a year by myself.”  
  
Becker snorted. “I don’t know how you’ve managed to put up with Temple for so long. If he’d been at my flat, I would have kicked him out after a few days.”  
  
Jess laughed and aimed a friendly swat at his head before she continued. “Unfortunately I had more urgent things to worry about and busy myself with than to think about contacting Hannah, such as reading files and old mission reports and knowing my way around the ADD. And of course, once the real work started, the actual field coordination whenever there was an anomaly, well, then it became near impossible. Not to mention the five-hour time difference.”  
  
“Well, she’s certainly earned my respect and I never even met her,” Becker said fondly with a grin. “She sacrificed a lot to keep you safe and I greatly admire that. I wish I could have told her personally.”  
  
Adoration for the man by her side flooded through Jess and she kissed him sweetly, resting her forehead on his. “You’ll come with me, won’t you?” she asked pleadingly.  
  
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it,” he reassured her.

 

* * *

Jess woke up the next morning in Becker’s arms and still fully clothed from the day before. She briefly wondered why she wasn’t in her pyjamas, or even in her own bed, before remembering the events of the previous evening. She must have fallen asleep talking to Becker who, being the gentleman, had stayed where he was not wanting to move and subsequently wake her.  
  
She rolled over in his arms to face him, shimmying closer so as to not fall off the sofa. He was still clad in his black ARC security uniform and there was a slight frown on his brow as he slept. Jess untangled one of her arms and reached up to gently stroke the frown out of his features. At her feather-light touch he visibly relaxed and instinctively pulled her closer, if that were even possible.  
  
It was the second time they’d slept together. Well, not ‘slept together’ in _that_ sense, but slept in the same bed together. They had decided to take their relationship slowly and not rush into things, wanting to savour their newfound closeness and Jess was revelling at the new information she was constantly learning about her man.  
  
It had taken Captain Hilary Becker over two years to admit his feelings for her and she was didn’t want to lose the exclusive access she had now been given by taking the next step too quickly, no matter how much she wanted to. For over two years she had fought continuously to crack and destroy the walls he’d built around his heart. But she had achieved it. And two years was nothing compared to the rest of their lives they had together. She could wait.  
  
Becker opened his eyes, Jess still stroking his face. “Hey. How are you feeling?” he asked softly.  
  
“A lot better now, thanks. Sorry I made you stay on the sofa. You could have moved us to the bed though you know, it’s a lot comfier,” she replied apologetically.  
  
“So you were always planning on keeping me here then, Jessica?” he asked mischievously with a smirk. Her favourite smirk.  
  
Jess pouted. Then he leaned in to kiss her good morning. When he pulled away she felt light-headed.  
  
“I could so get used to that!” she said breathlessly. But she realised that was the wrong thing to say as his face masked over and he mentally shook himself.  
  
“I should go home…change,” he mumbled, trying to sit up.  
  
Jess smiled, reading him like a book, as she stood up. That was his way of stopping himself from taking the next step too quickly, by allowing himself to get as close as he dared to her but then backing off when he felt it was bordering on dangerous territory. Jess figured he was still adjusting to the freedom of allowing himself to love.  
  
The miserable life of a soldier, she thought sadly. Becker had been through so much.  
  
“You sure you don’t want to shower here?” Jess asked.  
  
“Even if I did, I don’t have any clean clothes to change into.”  
  
Jess chewed her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling. That meant he’d certainly thought about it! “I’ll see you out the door then.” She hurried over and opened the door. Becker was tying up his combat boots. “Oh, wait, did you want something to eat first? Or coffee?”  
  
“Maybe some other time, Jess, yeah? It’s not that I don’t want to. I love you. I’m sorry I just…I don’t want…I just don’t want to lose you,” he finished with a sigh.  
  
Now he thought he’d hurt her. Jess chuckled; he still had a guilt complex the size of the sun!  
  
“Stop apologising for everything, you’re just being a gentleman and I love you for that,” she said honestly, flashing him a brilliant smile.  
  
Becker shrugged on his jacket then walked over to her, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her in a way that sent electricity jolting through her and made her stomach flip. Then he dropped his hands to embrace her tightly. Jess pulled away to scramble over to the counter to collect his truck keys. She handed them to him with a peck on his cheek.  
  
“See you tomorrow, Jess,” he smiled with a wink.  
  
“See you, Hil. And thanks,” she replied. He grinned back at her use of his first name before disappearing. Then Jess headed to the bathroom to take her own shower.

 

* * *

 

An hour later she was showered, fully dressed (well, in her pyjamas anyway) and sat cross-legged on the sofa watching The Proposal with a bar of chocolate. She was trying her best to keep thoughts of Hannah away from her mind but it wasn’t happening.  
  
She was feeling guilty for not staying in contact with her, as now she’d never see her again. She scolded herself for not trying harder. She knew how easy it was to lose people in her line of work, knew how many friends Becker had lost.  
  
But a member of her own family, someone completely unconnected…  
There was a gnawing in the bottom of her stomach and not because she was hungry.  
  
Half an hour into the film and her phone rang. She reluctantly moved from her spot on the sofa, knowing whom it would be.  
  
“Hello?”   
  
_“Hi, Jess, how are you feeling?”_  
  
“Hi, Mum, not too bad. Becker was my counsellor last night, I told him everything and it helped a lot.”  
  
 _“Good. Well, you know why I’m calling. Hannah’s funeral has been scheduled for Thursday at eleven o’clock. Is Becker coming too? I’d love to meet him, honey.”  
  
_ Jess jumped a mile. She was excellent at organising things but not _that_ fast. “Mum, that’s four days away! There’s not enough time to arrange flights and accommodation, let alone time off work!” Jess complained. Lester would have a field day…  
  
 _“Jess, what are you talking about? It’s at Mill Road Cemetery in Cambridge. Hannah was on her way up to see us but she never made it. The accident happened at Stansted Airport, did I not tell you that?”  
  
_ Jess dropped the phone. Realisation hitting her like a train. She felt sick.  
The second anomaly yesterday. Jess hadn’t sent backup so they’d been unable to get there in time to stop the Allosaurus before it caused a three-car pileup. Five fatalities. Hannah.   
  
_“Jess? Jess, are you there?”_ her mum’s voice echoed through the phone but Jess didn’t process it. She just sank to the floor, knees up to her chest crying hysterically.  
  
She was in the same state when Abby and Connor returned who knew how long later. The TV was still playing to itself, as Jess had never turned it off. Abby found her behind the kitchen counter and sat down beside her. Jess immediately clung to her, sobbing, vaguely aware of the conversation around her.  
  
“Shhh, Jess it’s okay. What’s happened?” her friend soothed, stroking her hair. When Jess didn’t reply she called, “Connor, get Becker over here _now!"_  
  
“What’s going on?” Connor asked, crouching down in front of them.   
  
“I don’t know, just call Becker and tell him to get his arse over here!” his fiancée urged.  
  
Becker burst through the door not ten minutes later. Abby allowed him to take Jess in his arms and he cradled her as she cried. It frightened them all to see how vulnerable and child-like she looked.  
  
He cupped her face in his hands. “Jess? Jess look at me.”  
  
Jess’s sobs were cut short at the sound of Becker’s voice. Her heart skipped a beat when she realised she was once again in his arms. She found herself looking into his eyes, losing herself in those hazel orbs, and for a moment she stopped shaking. Then her words came out in a rush, barely coherent through her heavy sobs.  
  
“The anomaly… Hannah… I couldn’t stop it… Oh God it’s my fault!”  
  
“Jess, slow down,” Becker ordered. She swallowed and took a deep breath. Abby and Connor were stood nearby watching.  
  
“The second anomaly yesterday, you didn’t get there in time. I didn’t send a backup team it’s all my fault! Hannah was there! She was in one of those cars-“ she choked out.  
  
“Shit,” Becker replied, comprehension dawning. “God, Jess, I am so sorry.”  
  
Jess descended into hysterical sobs again, only hearing snippets of the conversation that followed.  
  
“Becker, what’s happened?”  
  
“Yeah, for a minute there, we thought you’d broken up with her! Oww!” Connor joked, earning himself an elbow in the ribs from Abby for his lack of tact.  
  
“When we got home last night, her mum called to say her cousin died in a car accident. Well, from what Jess told me last night she was more like an older sibling. Hannah must have been over from America visiting family, or going to, but Jess didn’t know so didn’t put two-and-two together, until now…” he trailed off.  
  
“I’m not surprised she’s heartbroken…” Abby sighed sadly.  
  
Connor stooped down and grabbed the phone. “I don’t think she worked it out herself...” His voice was solemn and sympathetic.  
  
Becker shook her gently. “Jess, when’s the funeral?”   
  
“Thursday in Cambridge,” she mumbled into his shoulder.  
  
“We’ve got to ask Lester for Thursday off.”  
  
That made Jess snap out her state instantly. “No. No I can’t! I need to be at the ARC, I need to do my job! Nothing like this can ever happen again.”  
  
Abby put a hand on her arm. “Jess, you need to go,” she said softly.  
  
“I can’t. Becker I can’t face her family knowing what I’ve done!” Jess shot him a panicked looked. He hugged her closer in response, one hand stroking her cheek.  
  
“Yes, you can, Jess. It wasn’t your fault, you did nothing wrong. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. You were brilliant, just like you always are. You can do it, I know you can,” Becker soothed, unknowingly echoing Hannah’s words from so long ago, which just brought a fresh wave of tears flooding to her eyes.  
  
“C’mon, get some rest and we’ll go see Lester first thing tomorrow, okay?”  
  
Jess nodded, but clung on to him tighter when he released his hold expecting her to move. Only when he tried to stand up with her still in his arms did she jump up, but into Abby’s embrace, who rocked her from side to side. When she pulled away she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.  
  
“Feel better?” Abby asked softly. Jess nodded and her flatmate put an arm around her and began to lead her in the direction of her bedroom.  
  
“Becker, will you stay with me please?” Jess asked, not wanting to fall asleep alone.  
  
Abby dropped her arm as Becker moved forward and accepted the hand she held out towards him, intertwining his fingers with hers as they walked.  
  
Jess shuffled clumsily onto the double bed and under the duvet, cuddling into its warmth. Becker lay beside her but stayed on top of the covers to keep his distance, holding one of her hands and gently stroking her hair as she allowed the darkness to blissfully consume her.  



	18. Aspirations

_Jess was at the ADD, urging the team to get to Stansted as quick as they could. Fingers flying across they keyboard she switched the screens on the monitor to show her the CCTV feed of the car park. The Allosaurus was there, stalking its prey. One car appeared out of nowhere straight into its path. Jess watched in horror as the blonde occupant jumped out of the vehicle and ran._ _Hannah Bails ran._ _Jess heard her scream in terror, unsure of when the CCTV feeds had started to transmit sound. She tried to alert the team, willing them to move faster. But they were too late. There was a final bloodcurdling cry of “Help me, Jess!” before Hannah was torn apart in front of her eyes.  
  
_ Jess screamed and sat bolt upright. Her heart was racing, her body covered in a cold sweat and she was hyperventilating.  
  
It was only a dream, she told herself. It was only a dream.  
  
She took a few deep breaths before she finally looked around the room. She gasped and tears of relief and sorrow began to flood her eyes. She was in her room in Cherry Hinton.  
  
The whole thing had been a…dream? The ARC, Becker, Hannah’s death? But…  
  
She jumped in shock as the door burst open and Hilary Becker rushed into the room, almost knocking the wind out of her as he hugged her.  
  
“Hey, you’re fine, you’re fine. Come here. Shhh,” he soothed.  
  
“Nightmare,” she breathed, her heart calming as she clung to him. “Oh, I’m so pleased you’re here Becker, for a second I thought... Wait, what are we doing here? How did we get here?” she asked, feeling slightly disorientated. She was certain she’d been at the ARC just seconds ago.  
  
His voice was low and soft. “We’re here for Hannah’s funeral tomorrow, remember? We had to stay for the night shift yesterday due to a burst of anomaly activity and Lester wanted his best team on the job. I brought you straight here afterwards, well, after picking up your stuff first. You were exhausted and slept the whole way here and I didn’t want to wake you. It’s half past four in the afternoon.”  
  
Jess rubbed the sleep from her eyes with a yawn and sighed contentedly with a smile, he really was a gentleman! “What about you, aren’t you tired? You did a lot more than I did!” she asked thoughtfully, remembering Becker and the team dealing with the endless incursions on foot.  
  
“It’s a soldier thing,” he answered sheepishly and then smirked, tapping the tip of her nose affectionately. “By the way, your family are lovely. I think they like me!”   
  
Jess clapped a hand to her forehead. “Oh my gosh, I feel so rude! I can’t believe you didn’t wake me when we arrived, I should have introduced you to them! This was not how I’d imagined them meeting you! How long have I been up here?”  
  
“Since before ten,” he chuckled when Jess’s eyes widened.  
  
“Did they interrogate you?”   
  
“They wanted to know more about _you_ actually,” he mused.  
  
“Like what?”   
  
“How you were coping. I said you told me loads about Hannah to help clear your head and I told them how I admire her for everything she did for you.”  
  
Her voice was no more than a whisper when she replied. “How can I face them Becker? How can I look Debby and Mark in the eye after what happened? They can’t know but I can’t lie!” Jess felt herself losing control again, her breathing becoming more and more rapid as her eyes filled with tears.  
  
Becker placed a thumb and finger under her chin and lifted it up so she was looking into his eyes. Then he leaned in and kissed her slowly and gently. Her breathing became even more heavy and not because she was upset. She loved how Becker could do this to her, instantly set her heart racing just by the smallest and softest of contact. All fears forgotten, she responded by crawling out of her duvet into his lap, deepening the kiss, her hands lost in his lovely hair.  
  
When they came up for air, Becker rested his forehead against hers, a grin on his face and one hand caressing her cheek.  
  
“Okay, I think I’m ready.” She smiled bravely, before noticing she was still in her work outfit from the previous day and giggled. “Oh, but maybe I should change first?”

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later Jess had freshened up, dressed in jeans and had barely stepped into the lounge before she was bowled over by her mum.  
  
“Oh, Jess, I was so worried! I thought you’d fainted or something, the line went dead!” she fussed, checking her up and down for signs of any obvious head injury.  
  
“No, Mum, I was fine. I just dropped the phone and it slid under the sofa,” she lied. Becker had informed her of his cover story just before they headed downstairs. “Becker had to help me retrieve it.”  
  
“Oh, I know, he’s such a gentleman!” Angela Parker cooed.  
  
“Yes, he is!” Jess beamed, earning herself a quick peck from said gentleman. “By the way everyone, this is my boyfriend Hilary Becker. Becker, well you know them already!”  
  
As her mum backed off to sit back on the sofa, Becker close behind, Jess looked over at Debby and didn’t miss the pain in her eyes before she gave Jess a sad smile. She didn’t look baby-faced and young anymore, instead she looked so much older, aged with grief and heartbreak.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Debs,” she said with as much sincerity as she could as she ran over to embrace her.  
  
“I’m sorry too, Jess. For you. We’ve lost a daughter, you’ve lost a sister. It was only three short years you were here with her but you made her so happy. She loved you so much.”  
  
“Yeah,” Mark said from Debby’s other side. “You brought out the best in our Hannah. Even though you were younger she looked up to you.” Debby placed a hand over his and smiled at him. Jess got up to hug him before retreating to the other sofa opposite, sandwiching herself between her mum and Becker.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me she was coming? I could have met her from the airport,” Jess said in a small voice after a moment’s silence.  
  
Becker squeezed her hand. That was his way of saying she couldn’t have done anything of the sort, as she was busy doing her job at the time. Jess knew it too. But even so, she could have done _something_. Made sure her cousin stayed within the airport building until the incursion was dealt with, or even arranged for a private driver to escort her away safely. That way she wouldn’t have needed a taxi…  
  
“Jess?”  
  
She was brought out of her thoughts by Becker shaking her gently. “Hmmm, what?”  
  
Her mum repeated what she had obviously just missed. “It was supposed to be a surprise for you, honey. She hadn’t seen you in ages; she wanted to be here for your twenty-first. She was going to keep her appearance secret until you arrived and saw her for yourself…” she trailed off.  
  
Jess felt her stomach flip uncomfortably. It was her birthday just over a week from now; twenty-one was another milestone. But instead she’d be mourning the loss of another family member, a loss that _she’d_ caused. She wasn’t sure how she’d ever get over it.  
  
Then a thought struck her and she turned to Becker. “I didn’t check, did bring the dress bag?” she asked with a hopeful smile.

 

* * *

The next morning, Jess sat on the front row of the chapel with Becker on her right, her mum and the Bails on her left. She was dressed in her short black lace dress - which had seen a lot of wear over the past year due to the many ARC soldiers’ funerals they’d attended. She wore a simple black cotton that finished at her waist, black tights and, with permission from Mark and Debby, she was wearing her purple heels as her own tribute to her cousin; purple had been her favourite colour.  
  
Becker wasn’t in his standard military uniform; instead he’d donned a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie with a subtle purple paisley design. Jess couldn’t help thinking he looked even more handsome out of his ARC security uniform…  
  
The priest conducted the service and several hymns were sung in between readings and in-memoriams. Mark and Debby said a tearful eulogy to their daughter, expressing their love, her many achievements and their favourite aspects of her personality. They told stories of the many antics she’d gotten up to as a child and as a teen with her close group of friends. Then they said a few words about Jess and her influence on Hannah. All the while, Jess cried silently.  
  
She desperately wanted to speak herself but she knew she couldn’t in the circumstances. She’d end up apologising and it wouldn’t make any sense without everybody present finding out the truth. And she feared that would also come tumbling out if she wasn’t careful…  
  
“Finally, as a last tribute to our Hannah, a small selection of her favourite songs will be played. Music meant a lot to her, and we’d like to share this memory with you.” Mark sniffed before giving them all a brave smile.  
  
Avril Lavigne songs began to drift quietly through the speakers as Mark and Debby retook their seats. The chapel listened in respectful silence.  
  
 _…Keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong, 'cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you…  
  
_ “This was our song,” Jess whispered to Becker, leaning her head on his shoulder. “If ever any of us were feeling down, after the bad times we went through, Hannah would play this song. Sometimes she’d sing along, sometimes she would just listen.”  
  
Her mum squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back with a reassuring smile.  
Throughout the next song, Jess noticed the intense expression on Becker’s face. He was deep in thought as he listened to the lyrics.  
  
 _…But then you came around me, the walls just disappeared. Nothing to surround me and keep me from my fears. I'm unprotected, see how I've opened up. Oh, you've made me trust. Because_ _I’ve never felt like this before. I’m naked around you, does it show?_ _You see right through me and I can't hide. I'm naked around you, and it feels so right…_  
  
“This is my song about you,” he whispered in her ear. Jess smiled up at him through tears.  
  
“I love you,” she replied, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.  
  
  


* * *

After the service they headed outside for the burial. Hannah’s grave was to be placed under a purple blossom tree about fifty yards away from the chapel building. Despite it being November, the tree still bloomed bright and colourful.   
  
She froze as she saw a familiar figure walking ahead of her, dressed in a dark grey suit. He must have been seated at the back, out of her sight. Anger suddenly coursed through her and she let go of Becker’s hand as she marched up to Thomas Ryley.  
  
“What are you doing here?” she demanded.  
  
“Attending my best friend’s funeral Jess, is that a crime? Typical Jess Parker, trying to cause a scene. You have a habit of that, you know,” he said snidely.  
  
Becker, seemingly putting two-and-two together, began to move forward but Jess put an arm out to stop him.  
  
“It is when you know she wouldn’t want you here.”  
  
“It that so?” he replied coolly, folding his arms across his chest. “What makes you say that?”  
  
Jess felt an unpleasant sensation crawl up her spine but she ignored it, seeing red. “You know full well. She hasn’t spoken to you in years. You drove her away. How did you even find out?” she asked. Then comprehension dawned and she sighed. “Your Uncle, of course.”  
  
Tom chuckled darkly. “You know, for someone as clever as you, Jess, you really are naïve.”  
  
This time Jess didn’t ignore the unpleasant feeling. “What are you talking about?”  
  
“You didn’t really think Hannah had been on her own the past four years, did you?”  
  
It occurred to her then that she had no idea what had happened to Tom since Hannah had pushed him away so long ago.  
  
“Once she knew she was going to America, we made up. She just never told you. Said some shit about not wanting to lose your trust by repairing the one forbidden string she’d sworn she’d never fix, that she’d left broken to protect you, as it would ruin the perfection of the finished instrument. The string: me. Quite poetic actually.” he said spitefully, pointing to himself.  
  
Jess just stared at him, her brain working furiously.  
  
“I went with her to America, Jess. I was her flatmate. Well, at first. I had a job at the local zoo. But as time went on we fell in love. Finally I had her all to myself! She hadn’t let me in while you were following her around like a puppy. Once again you came between me and her!”  
  
“She was trying to protect me from you,” Jess said in a deflated voice.  
  
Tom ignored her. “I was with her on Saturday too, at the airport. I didn’t want her to come back but she said she couldn’t miss your birthday! She wanted to wait a few hours to help me find a hotel, somewhere to lay low but I told her to go, I could find somewhere myself. So she left and made her way up here. I stayed at a hotel next to the airport that night, then I disobeyed her and came up here to visit my own family and I was told the news.” His tone grew solemn on the last sentence. Then he shook his head. “She’d never even left the airport!”  
  
“If you had let her help you, she wouldn’t have died,” Becker growled.  
  
“If she’d have told me about you, there would have been no reason for you to stay and you would have died too,” Jess reasoned.  
  
“If you knew about me, you would have met us from the airport, Jess,” Tom replied, seeing straight through her.  
  
That wounded her deeply and Jess stood completely lost for words, feeling tears flood her eyes. Becker stepped in front of her protectively.  
  
“Ha, who’s the Action Man, Jess?”  
  
Becker ignored him. “You come near this family again, near _Jess_ again, I will hurt you _very_ badly,” he growled.  
  
“Yeah, whatever, nothing can stop me from-”  
  
Becker moved faster than Jess thought possible, and before she could stop him, had planted his fist squarely into the younger man’s jaw, knocking him clean to the floor.  
  
Tom ran.  


* * *

****  
Jess stayed behind afterwards, wanting some time alone. Becker stayed with her, but remained a few steps back to give her some privacy. Jess knelt down, swallowed down her nerves and spoke.  
  
“Hi, Hannah, it’s me. I am so sorry for how this happened. I never meant for this to happen, it’s so unfair. I often remember the brilliant and wonderful times we had together. All those nights staying up talking, all those shopping days! And Cambridge! I even remember all the bad situations we found ourselves in, but we got through them. We held on like you said we would! I just wish you’d have told me about Tom. All these years I just assumed you’d lost him because of me. I guess I always knew you could never hate him. I forgive you, but it would have been nice to know.”   
  
She laced and unlaced her hands in her lap awkwardly.  
  
“Anyway, I’m going to tell you what I’ve wanted you to know for a long time: my classified top-secret job. You deserve to know now.”  
  
She glanced around at Becker, who nodded the all clear, smiling encouragingly. She took a deep breath in an attempt to stop the tremor in her voice.  
  
“I’m the Field Coordinator at the ARC, the Anomaly Research Centre. My job is to direct the core team (my friends Matt, Emily, Abby, Connor and my boyfriend Becker, and any backup teams of soldiers) to anomalies. These are time portals, leading to prehistoric or future time periods. Sometimes, nearly always really, creatures can come through: dinosaurs, dogs, insects, future predators and lots more. I myself have had near-death experiences, and I’m never in the field! The deadliest being when I was bitten by a future beetle; the ARC was in Lockdown and we couldn’t reach my epi pen in the car! But that was a one-time event. Mainly we have to deal with dinosaurs. You might have seen one yourself actually, a dinosaur, an Allosaurus; a carnivorous therapod from the Jurassic.”  
  
Jess swallowed again as tears filled her eyes. “I was working that day, last Saturday. My team were nearby in Bishop’s Stortford. I knew the Allosaurus was in the airport car park but the team couldn’t get there in time. My job is to save lives and I failed, we lost you and four other civilians. It’s my fault, I am so sorry. If only I’d have known. I wish you’d told me beforehand so I could have done something. I love how you wanted to surprise me, it would have been amazing. But I could’ve kept you safe. All those times you were there for me and the one time I get to pay you back, I screw up. I screwed up bad-”  
  
She couldn’t speak anymore as the sobs took over. Becker knelt down beside her and took her in his arms.  
  
She wanted to see her cousin, her _sister_ , again. Tell her how sorry she was, or just do anything to prevent what had happened. But it was impossible. It had happened and she couldn’t change it.  
  
But wait, maybe she _could_ do something…  
  
It hit her like a ton of bricks.  
It scared her and thrilled her at the same time.  
  
Why hadn’t she thought of it sooner? Then she hesitated. Becker’s No.1 rule had always been _n_ _ever go through an anomaly_. But she knew full well Becker had been through anomalies himself, numerous times and so had the rest of the team! Hadn’t he attempted to save Abby and Connor? Granted they had rescued themselves in the end but still…he had tried four times!  
  
And Hannah was not just a close friend, she was _family_.  
He wouldn’t like it, but she had to try.  
  
Determination flowed through her from head to toe. She wiped her eyes, stood up and hand in hand with Becker, began to walk away. Flakes of purple blossom and newly golden leaves floated gently around them in the light breeze, and a ray of sunlight broke through the grey clouds.  
  
Jess smiled and wrapped her arms around Becker’s waist.  
  
She had an idea.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
>  
> 
> Look out for sequel, 'Resolutions'.


End file.
